STARKISS

Yes i did and i got a part and play à jewish woman..

This is not the same as losing someone but after my parents both died in 2005 

My close net family was gone too.. i found out just before my parents died alot of the family  was faking being happy together.

This went on for 12 years and very little time spend with each other 

I spoke up and told the family i needed my abusive fathers ashes to leave my room and so i was going to sccatter them and if they wanted to help i gave them a day and time and place..

It ended up with our lost family to reconnect that day.. something i thought i lost forever..

I have decided to try out for our local church play it  will also be with my close friend so not completely by myself but a new step for me..

Just heard from my uncles family they are all doing well considering what is happening and they are hoping all the family understand his decision and wants them all to visit him soon..

I love my uncle and if i was in his way i would rather enjoy life instead of stuck in a hospital bed  with strangers..

Wow the month of October is really hard for me.. it is because it is thanksgiving day which was my moms second favorite holiday and also the month of her birthday.

So October i have major tears even after 12 years..

After my parents died i moved in to live with a sister and her family and than after 7 years i moved back to my home town with a friend .  But have realized that i do not know how to understand all the emotions i am feeling.

I do not know how i feel so now i am learning to recognizing what emotion i am feeling  and bow to react to it. 

Sounds childish but i was very sheltered in my life so i never realized what i was truly feelings..

Well i have said in another post that we finally scattered my parents remains.

That is true but i also went through the week before with a whole lot of guilt over the fact i wanted my moms remains but  not my dads.. i had the worst dreams over this decision whether or not to keep my dads..

Well as you might know we have dealt with the remains and i did decide to keep his remains a little bit as i had a suggestion to do it and if it bothered me i could get rid of them later..

Big decision for me to make it was hard

But glad i did decide to keep some for

Now..

I keep hearing that if you committ suicide you will go to hell.. the people at church and his pastor friends all celebrate his life and tell us all he is going to heaven..

Very confused...

Thank you for yor kindness and i will continue to help support others too.

Hi all 

My last uncle was diagnosed with bone cancer a while ago and now since all his brothers have now gone has decided to stop chemo.. i do understand but also i am sad for his family..just need to have faith he has decided to do what is best..

Hi everyone

I have found since i have moved back to my hometown where i said good bye  to my parents i seem to depend more on others it is like i am a child all over again. 

I never leave the house alone except for appointments.

Finding it hard to venture out again..

Hi all it has been along time since i posted last. But i have been very hurt with family  and have finally got the family to say yes to scattering my parents ashes.. the week before we did it i cried every day but the day came and we shared memories and even laughed.

Afterward i had kept some of each of them even though  i was abused by my dad i needed to keep him so when my healing was done and i learnt to forgive him i would have some of him..

This happened on october 29 2017..

Peace has come somewhat to me in the end..

Hi All,

well its another special day to remember my parents, I have been so up and down all day... I know that they are in a better place but I miss them so much... I just wish I could forget some of these special days so it would hurt less... I am seeking help from a hypnotherapist just to see if it would help me deal better .... I will keep you posted ... I start next weekend... shelley

Well, another special day to gether through tomorrow ... It would have been my parents wedding anniversary ... I just think that I am putting to much into the special days and becoming a really big cry baby...

I am trying hypnosis to help deal with some of my grief issues I do still suffer with... shelley

As my parents wedding anniversary is coming up yet again.. I wish I could say that I had a normal life but I had far from a good one... I wish I had told them all I needed to tell them...shelley

Hi All,

Here we are again, coming up to the date which would have been my parents wedding anniversary... I want to do something with the remains of my parents on that day and was all set to set something up but the family disagreed yet again to do something... I am so ready to end this but I am only one of five... shelley

Thanks to Everyone here,

You are all truly amazing and I am truly blessed to have got to meet so many people .... Shelley

Thanks Marty....

Hi Marty,

I guess I will have to talk with my doctor, I am going to be as honest as I can be with her...I just feel so misunderstood by people lately and I feel no one takes me seriously anymore... I feel sometimes it is just better to hide it all inside of me and what I have all ready said maybe I should not have said to anyone... Does this make sense... shelley

Hi All,

I am wondering why I am still so emotional, It has been almost eight years since my parents died... I lost my dog a few years ago, and now the house where just is buried but now I am just back to crying alot more than I have in other years and I am so confused why I am so upset... I want to be normal, I am dealing with sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and depression and anxiety... I am on medications for depression and ADD and fear that I am going to stay sad ... I am scared to go and ask the doctor about it because she might put me on more medications... I just want to be normal... shelley

Hi Marty,

Thanks so much for sharing this peom with me... It helped me so very much and after receiving the scrapbook of pictures I can hold them close to my heart and remember my best friend in both worlds... Thanks again Marty it was just what I needed... shelley

welll here it goes again, My brother has decided to sell his house... It is the house where Chelsea has been buried in... I can not believe I will never be able to sit by her grave and talk to her anymore... My family just does not understand why i am so upset about it all... shelley

well atleast one thing this christmas went okay, I received a scrapbook full of Chelsea's pictures... It is my favorite gift in the whole entire world.. shelley

Another rough New Year's Eve for me, I found out that the brother who lived with Chelsea and where Chelsea's body is in a grave is selling his house and now no pictures except the one I use for my picture, and now I won't be able to sit at her grave either... I am so upset that I will not be able to sit and talk with her especially when I am having a very rough time right now... shelley

Hi All,

I still want out, this past year has been really really hard... My family about 23 people got together for a get together but it was hard because my mom would have loved having all the family in one place... I miss you mom .. love you tons shelley