Hi All
back on October 21 of 2015, My Cousin Daniel Fraley died by Suicide, he was only 18 and I have been asking all the usual questions as to why, and was there anything that could have changed this Horrible thing that happened, I get angry at myself for not seeing how really bad his depression was, and for not seeing it as bad as it had to have been for him to do what he did,
like most people with depression there were times where he felt fine, and you would think he was doing better, and I guess that is what took my attention away from how bad it was, I tried to be there for him, and We had many talks about suicide, and I always told him it was a bad idea, and that things would always get better but they could not if he made a choice like that because there is no fixing that if you went threw with it, I keep asking is there anything that would have changed his mind,
The Night that he did what he did....he messaged me on facebook at 11:41pm I was late seeing it, I didn't see it until 11:45 and I keep asking if I had been on right away and he had time to have got my reply would it possibley have made a difference?....I will never know the answer to that, I know sometimes people say if they are thinking about doing it, they would do it at some point ad that when they get in that frame of mind, theres nothing you can really say if they truly have made there mind up that there going to do that but I can't help but think what if I could have messaged him right then as soon as he sent it?
I feel guilty because I deal with depression as well and there would be times when We would talk and I would be feeling down that instead of seeing how he was doing, I'd be telling him how I was feeling and how I was in a depressed mood, but it had to be nothing to how he truly was feeling inside, I wished I would have went out of my way to tell him dispite how hard depression is the good days make up for all the bad that 1 goes threw, and that Life is very good and that depression will not always stay with you, but I did not, and now I'm left asking why didn't I try and do more and be there more for him then for myself, I didn't know his fight with depression was far worse then mine, and now I'm left with all the unanswered questions of could anything have been done
sorry for this being so long......sometimes with depression you lose sight of how others are doing with the same illness so to speak