puffysmammyforever

I do have other babies. Three cats and one dog. One of the cats is so similar looking to Puffy that I once brought one to the vet and had to second guess if I had the right one. It does not help me, I'm sorry to say. Puffy was one in a million - I had such a connection to him that it was indescribable. I love all my babies, but Puffy was my SOULMATE, and I feel like I let him down. I just CANNOT forgive myself. I want to know there wasn't much I could have done had I brought him earlier. I want to know that maybe this was the best for HIM so I can surive. I'm living in positive agony. I hate myself and want to die. I cannot even grieve properly because the guilt is making me so ill. I JUST received the message that his ashes in, and the reality and finality of this is just more than I can bear. I will never be the same, and I cannot imagine not being the same.

Mikey, I am wondering if you, or any of you, have gotten any better over time. I read with horror sometimes how long many people still grieve, as I am still consumed with guilt and debilitating sadness over the death of my beloved cat Puffy this past Monday due to kidney failure. I loved this cat more than anything, and many are nervous about me and my reaction (though I always knew it would be awful - this was my soulmate). I do not have the strength to write about this now (even though I am a writer by trade), but have to feel that solace does come eventually. I feel like I cannot go on. This is the sharpest pain I have ever ever felt in my life and I feel like I will not be able to live knowing that the pain won't dissipate. I live on the verge of collapse every minute....I cannot function. I truly need some help.....