southern eagle

Update to all,

Thank you for the support along the way.

I have atarted a woman's healing retreat with Adventures In Missions. We are in the states and going to Swaziland next year.

It is all about sharing the path that we are walking, no matter what it is. If you want info go to spunkmister@hotmail.com until the blog and website are up and running.

We lost my mother in law 2 weeks ago,but am very gratful that the entire family was with Lillian for the week before she went home.

Lessons learned over this year:

1. Forgive quickly and love deeply.

2. Know that you are loved and you did everything in your heart that you could. This is the most important lesson, stop beating yourself up!

3. Pay forward the love that you were given and embrace the small impact that you make one step at a time.

4. Be yourself and not what everyone else wants you to be. You will love yourself more for it!

5. Silly, but get a pet and enjoy their love.

Blessings to all on this site. There is a lite at the end of the tunnel and is waiting for you.

Hi there dear one!

You are so focused for your age, but at the same time, you have the need to be a kid.

I used to be like you and without giving away my age, I have learned alot over the years.

Cry, and be the real you. Others will fill in, trust me.

Your Dad loved you and is with you still in your heart and soul.

I found that a memory journal worked. Every positive memory, Every question that I wanted to ask, every frustration that I had felt over the years.

Put it down on paper. Share it with your mom, she wants you to be a kid.

I hope that this all makes sense.

Blessings and prayer to you and the family, you will be yourself and be fine.

Hey Chai,

How are you doing? It has been a year since we talked and I am sorry for that.

I have gone on to start a womans healing retreat to share these kind of emotions.

It is amazing how much isolation that we feel and think that we have no where to turn.

I hope that you are healing and by your post I love that you are reaching out to others as well.

Stay in touch, spunkmister@hotmail.com

Patti

Nikol,

Did she have a message at her number? Yes it is normal to want to hear her voice. I did that with my dad for months. You are doing great and are being real with your loss. I really hated that phrase for months, but, learn to cry, learn to be human, learn to say that loss hurts, and then look at all of the great things that you learned along the way. Take those and share it with those who want to hear. One step at a time. Do not push yourself to be perfect,,,,just be real.....your real self that you know was loved by your grandmother. Nothing more and nothing less.

Hi there,

My name is Patti, and I am here for you. I went thru the same thing when my Dad passed a year ago. I had no one to be real with, I was afraid to say that I hurt. It put me down. I have learned this year to reach out to people who could help and share. It really does help. Talk to me and I will help you on this journey.

Blessings to you this night for a peaceful night.

My dear,

It has been 10 years since my mom passed, last week my mother in law passed. The peace that I have found over the years is not to do the should of, could of, would of. Your mom is at peace and in her own way loved you very much. She held you as you were in her womb and told you stories. She waited for the day that she could just hold you and look at you with her true love. Enjoy and embrace those thoughts, if you have a family, forgive quickly and love them deeply. They need you as true as you were when you were born.

It is hard, I know that, but it works and the love that you get back will be 10 fold.

I am here for you at spunkmister@hotmail.com.

You will be fine, and are in my thougts and prayers.

Patti

Leanne,

You have been my best friend thru the pain of losing my dad and I thank you for all the great insites that you have given. I agree with you that we all find our own balance and way to cope with the pain. While I cried out to Jesus to take away the pain of helping the entire family and taking care of each one of their concerns, I learned a very important lesson. When we are chosen to be the healers of faith and family, we feel all the pain of grief and we bear the brunt of many.

While we learn to endure our ability to love grows by leaps and bounds. Yes, it is painful to give when we want to be given, it is our hearts that need to share with others...

I know that what you say is true about feeling worn out by giving and that this idea is not for everyone,,,,but just as a thought. Do on to others as you would have done to you....as we each reach out for love and support as the care givers, give back to those who we have yet to meet and embrace them as we wish to be embraced ourselves.

Blessings to you and yours, may the Lord hold you and keep you safe within in his arms.

Hugs

Patti

Temmie,

I know the pain that you are going thru and there is light and the end of the tunnel. As we took down my Dad's home, there were tears every weekend. The clothes were the hardest...the antiques even harder. We had a family meeting about the estate and the final decision was to have us keep what meant the most to my family and the kids. Pictures, well they were difficult and I have boxes of them in the house and I spend an hour a day going thru them and getting rid of those that have no meaning. As Leanne so wonderfully stated, the memories when you close your eyes will serve you for each and every day of your life.

The items that mean the most to you and your son, keep, I find that items that we kept bring a smile to my family every day. My daughter loves the furniture that she got and it makes her smile everyday.

I am glad that you are posting here again and I know the feeling of not checking in as often as we used to....I don't know about you but I feel the need to be close to myself and the family and have the freedom to deal with moving on in my own way. This site is wonderful and the friends are precious.

Know that you have and will always be in my prayers each night.

Many Hugs and blessings to you.......I am here for you each and every day.

Patti

Patti, I'm not sure what "plea" you're asking me to post. Can you explain?

Marty,

The concept is simple, the more that each of us on this site have the opportunity to give back to either family, friends, or community, the more it makes the pain goes away,,,the more that we each realize that we on this site because we are the care givers, the ones who lead the family, the ones who love, the more that we get happiness from those we touch and help.

As we embrace our seasons of pain and best of all healing, we share, we care, and how many can learn from our journey? I have learned from my family that they were there for me as I went into the pain for so long and learned to deal with the pain and have come out as a healer of others in pain,,,,you have no idea how far the arms reach!

As we spread the word that the simple concept of pay it forward we help those on the site, ourselves, our families, and most importantly those we have never met but bare our souls to.....

So the cause is simple, embrace others as you would want to be embraced yourself...reach out to one person in your family, friend, community that how you can make a difference in their lives....a hug, a smile, an ear to listen, a new friend to share and care...

What do you think? We as a team are now feeding 300 families in Atlanta and the pain is going away...

Blessings to the team.

Patti

I am so sorry for your loss, I know that it is hard and confusing...so many emotions, tears, fears, and feeling that you should have. would of, could of,,,,It is all normal. The chills, the tears, the dreams are all normal. Does it get better,,,yes it does. I have found that taking time to take of myself in a season of healing comes first, bring your family in to your grief and let the family mourn together,,,it really does help.

The most important fact that I have learned from this site is the fact of grief bursts,,,,it is ok to be just you and cry for no reason,,,memories hit us daily and then there is peace......thought that you needed to know that there is light at the end of the journey....keep posting, share your emotions and know that you are safe with us/

Hugs and blessings....Patti

Temmie my dear,

I know the pain of taking down a house, the value is not important anymore, your mom and dad had it for their bills, yeah that one hurts alot, but is true.

The house was their support and yes your home, understand that when you say good bye to the house, you have not let them down.

With your job, I agree with Leanne to find out the specifics and use this as your battleground to feel better about you.

Know that no matter what, you have friends here and at home that love you....there is nothing more and nothing less that matters in this life.

Give yourself a day or a week to sit back and sit outside....drink in the wonder...look to the sky,,,,,see the full moon and know that you are blessed for loving both of your parents and that they are watching from on high.

Cry and scream to me and Leanne and know that we will always wipe your eyes.. and hold you near day in and day out...

Be good to you and reach out to us to help you on the journey>>>>>

Patti your friend

Thank you Marty,

I have found myself at at a loss of words..... and the funny thing is that this simple idea is has taken off and all I ask is that you help spread the word around the country... as the word of God speaks..and pours down like rain,,,he is here with all of his love.

Patti,,,,it is really needed....calling all angels

Marty, Can you please post the plea?

Thanks,

{Patti

In Memory of my best friend:

You always followed me home from school asking questions about the world and how it works,

While I figure skated, you played hockey:how did I end up as the goalie and you perfected jumps and turns?

You built igloo's while I made snow angels:how did you end up bringing Christ into my life and I built teams.

I loved to read and you to think:you ended up writing the books and I was the idea person.

People always wondered why we didn't date:that would have been wrong in so many ways we always said: you married a student and I a teacher.

I loved the snow and ended up in the south:you loved the warmth and water and ended up in the north.

We have loved and laughed as you traveled the world to find and adopt your loving children:I traveled close to home and always found the stray animals.

Dear friend we have always been one of the same cloth, quiet souls who were gifted with the art of speech presentation.

While folks around us perfected loving a few friends, we had to love all whom we touch.....

You were my twin and my opposite, my friend, my savior in Christ:you cheered me on thru my grief and pain proud of your pit bull for humanity.

You saw life as romance yet mastered the art of facts:I saw life as black and white yet mastered the art of compassion.

Thank you dear friend for the foresight to create a donation group on your behave,,,,I have spoken about giving to your community, we are taking $50,000 a year to feed the homeless on Butch's behalf.....take your left overs and feed the homeless in your home town,,,it is easy to do, contact your local church and find out who could use 1 meal a day....Marty, please pass this forward.

Patti

Ours was a trip on a road not traveled but built one day and step at a time and always in the same direction.

We grew from two skinny kids that other kids thought were different into adults that others wondered where we got our "Presence"

from........

We learned together, loved together, fought for others together, made families and friends together.

We always were two sail boats at the same dock in storms and calm waters.

Now you are a million stars that shine in the night and I can only watch,

Your beauty, compassion, warmth, trust, humor and love have gone quietly from our dock and left many with no wind in our sails.

Breath life back into our nights, warmth in our days as you smile from on high.

Help us to share your dreams and continue what you have left behind sweet prince.

Walk with me in the green pastures, lead me to the still waters, show me how help others recover from your pain.

Until we meet again, be calm my dear friend and rest in the peace of eternal love.

Dear Blue eyes,

I have been thinking about you daily, and all I can say is that, your children will do everything that they can to help you to get you back on track so that you can help them grieve,,,they want to put you first. do not feel guilty for this, rejoice in their love....Your Mom needs to know that you are ok and if your not, tell her, she will appreciate the honesty and it is wonderful if the 2 of you can cry and scream together and just be real. When my mom passed, my dad was worried about me,,,I was worried about him,,,,and then we talked. That was wonderful. Blessings to you dear one, have a peaceful night and continue to talk.

Hugs,

Patti

Thank you Marty,

I have found myself at at a loss of words..... and the funny thing is that this simple idea is has taken off and all I ask is that you help spread the word around the country... as the word of God speaks..and pours down like rain,,,he is here with all of his love.

Patti,,,,it is really needed....calling all angels

Hey there, what can I say, I lost seven children thru misscarriage,, and have two wonderful women in the process, I guess that I am the champion of loss with kids,parent, and family,,,,the pain that you are going thru is like no other....yes you feel empty...it sounds minimal but plant a tree,,,and go out every year and plant flowers to honor your Ryan.

I celebrate each and every birthday with each and every tree, each child is a part of you and always be and yet they are an angel looking down on you and letting you know that you are loved and that they love each moment that they spent with you.

The scar that you have is but part of the road map that your child has given you and it will end up being a smile to you in years gone by...trust me on this 30 years later.....

Like I said, no one will ever replace Ryan, but there will be those who are unique and yours and yours alone,,,embrace them and never compare them to what you wanted Ryan to be.........

Your career is well nothing but a way to pay bills... your husband is hurting as much as you and learn from my mistakes,,,,let him buy a pet and know that it is his way to give both of you something to love.

Every year, we celebrate our children that we greet us at heaven's door and love our girls,,, sorry women,, they are helping me to reach out to you,,, a pet, a teddy bear,, tears,,celebration, and knowledge that God will give you your gift.......my family is with you each and every moment of the day....blessings

Patti, Sheryl, and Jaime....and of course Stew

Hello all,

There is a great light at the end or middle of the tunnel....as you learn to take of yourselves, with all the love and compassion that have brought us to this place, reach out and feed one homeless person a day.

Listen to what they have to say about their lives journey, a pack of lunch meat and a loaf of bread, a bag of fruit and a box of juice,,,,,,,,we are so blessed in what we have,,,a computer to reach out to those who care., a roof over our head...

When I have talked to those in my home town, I have found that they did not share their grief or down turns in life with anyone.....I have a team that takes our lap tops and food to parts of Atlanta and let these souls share their and our pain for the first time in their lives....they love you all, here are some of the things that would like to say...no spelling comments please.....

lost my home, lost my mom and dad, i am 7 and thnaks

i thanx you for grief spurrts notes...blessings

Thanks for this place and sharing with me,,,I am a good person, just lost from loose.

thanks for the bears and memorys I can go on..

Just something for all of us to think of....I will be here all night if you want to send notes back.....yes Marty, I am taking care of myself as I take care of others.

Patti

Stacey,

You have an angel on your shoulder and she is your mom.

Hey there,

My heart goes out to you. I know that being the strong one is unreal. You have to take time to grieve in a way that is best for you....nothing more and nothing less. I know what my daughters felt who are your age when my parents passed and I know what I felt at your age as I started my journey of grief.

First step...take care of yourself...you are a rock star for the family, but take care of you first so that you can take care of others....cry, scream, and know that the pain is real and normal,,,it does get better.

Second step....let the family help you....they need the chance to make a difference and help you as well.

Third step...Know that grief hurts and that is normal...Crying, screaming, being cold or freezing is normal and means that you are a caring person...hug yourself for that.

Final step...you are still a kid in women's clothing.... reach out to those of us who take some of the weight off of you....

Patti

Nicole,

I am here for you as an old gal, you are the same age as my daughter, but I have been thru what you are going thru many years ago....what ever I can do, just talk online or thru pm

Patti

Dearest Carole,

Let me share this with you and I pray that it helps you...My Mom passed 10 years ago after years of fighting for her life. I got to spend a day with her for my husband's and dad's birthday before she left this world....her last words before she left the house was to call her soon and how thankful she was for my help....

She and my dad left my house and went to the hospital for her to die,,,and never said a word. She wanted me to sleep and rest, and do you know why? So that I would have the strength to get thru the following weeks....Your mom knows that you loved her and you were the light of her life,,,embrace that love...smile, slow down and love.

Patti

Here is a thought for each of us.....how hard is it to just be ourselves....nothing more and nothing less?

Think about 10 things that great people have done that are dumb......

Where and how did we loose ourselves because we care and love....

We are indeed the unique ones, the loving ones,,,,,and the ones that others look for support.

We are not untouched by what we have done, felt, gone thru, we still reach out and help those who feel the same, and that is great since it makes us feel more whole.....

Sleep well tonight all of us as a team of caring folks and know that thru this site, we are whole......let me know what you think???

Patti

I have been thinking about you a lot since I read this posting. One of the things I fear after losing my mom is that I will lose someone else. I will pray for you each day as you are trying to cope with exactly that. I like your idea of running. I think I will try that too. I think some of the best advice I have recieved is never worry about what others think about the way you grieve. We all deal with things in different ways. Hang in there!

Carole,

thank you for the thoughts and prayer, mine are with you as well... reach out to me for what ever you need and I will be here for you friend.

Patti

Dear one.

Love and blessings to you! In four months, I have lost my dad, job and my best friend to suicide<<<<what your are feeling is something to rejoice in. You are a loving and normal human being.......so even tho you can't understand it now, you are one of the treasured ones who have so much love in your heart that you have the ability to love....

Patti

Patti, dear ~ While doing some work on my Web site this morning, I came across this article, and thought of you immediately:

Running through the Pain

Thank you so much Marty.