Carole

My mom died recently (December 7th, 2008.) It is hard but this site has been a great help. The biggest thing I have learned is don't worry about how you are grieving. We are all different. I recently found the book Angel Catcher by Kathy Eldon and Amy Eldon Turteltaub. It is basically a workbook as you go through the loos of a loved one. It is a place to write you memmories, thoughts, fears, and thoughts. It has helped me as I am struggling through this.

I guess I need to try and let go of any regrets and focus on the fact that she knows I love her. You are all right. I didn't want to sit down and tell her because she might have thought I had given up on her. I don't think it really sunk in that she really might die. I couldn't imagine life without her so I never really thought it would happen. Now it has and I feal lost.

Thank you all for your support and advice. It has been a big help. I found out this weekend that my grandfather (mom's dad) is expected to have colon cancer now. He has tests run on March 6th. Please pray for us as we go through this new trial. Again, than you all for everything.

My mom found out she had lymphoma at the end of August. She was already living with me as she looked for a house in my area. While she was sick she stayed with me. My brother who lives 12 hours away took leave from his work to stay with us too. Mom's Dr. would never give us a clear picture of how much longer she had. i was going to take a leave from my job inmid December (I am a teacher) and not go back until she was better or had passed on. I wanted to devote as much time as I could with her. My brother and I were always with her in the hospital. One of us always stayed the night. I have a 2 year old so I was struggling with time with her and time with mom. I live 45 minutes from the hospital so I would have to run home to get clothes etc. a couple times a week. I wish I have taken of from work sooner. I was ther for her doctor's appoinments, chemo., and hospital stays, but not when she was simply at home. I wish I had stayed at home with her and just asked someone else to run my errands. The last time she was in the hospital she was just in there for a simple procedure and I needed to sleep at home due to the fact that my daughter was having some problems with me being gone. When I got to the hospital the next morning my mother was unable to talk or move her limbs. I wish I had been there with her that night. I never left again. I was afraid to say too much about how I felt about her because I didn't want her to think I had given up on her. I just wish I could go back and make sure she knows just how much she means to me. On the night of Dec. 6th, she was having an x-ray in a possition that was painful for her. I asked that she be given medication to hep her. Right before they gave her that, She threw up. They then also gave her medicine to stop that. I helped the nurse clean out her mouth, change her sheets and clothes, and told her she would be ok. She could barely wisper "ok." She then went to sleep. My brother had just come back into town and I let him stay that night. She died in her sleep at 1:00 AM that next morning. I wish I had been there. These regrets are the hardest thing for me to deal with I think. Do they ever go away?

I have been thinking about you a lot since I read this posting. One of the things I fear after losing my mom is that I will lose someone else. I will pray for you each day as you are trying to cope with exactly that. I like your idea of running. I think I will try that too. I think some of the best advice I have recieved is never worry about what others think about the way you grieve. We all deal with things in different ways. Hang in there!

I had a hard time as well watching my mom as she fought cancer. It is so hard to watch someone you love suffer that much and there is nothing you can do to fix it. I truely believe that God chooses your child for you and I hope that our parents get to meet them in Heaven before we have them here on Earth. My husband and I are planning to start trying soon to have another child and that is so hard to think about mom not being here with me and meeting him or her. I just hope she gets to meet them before we do!

I just found out about this site through my grief counselor. I was glad to know there was a place to talk to others that are going through the same things I am. My mother who has always been my best friend passed away on December 7th, 2008. She has always been so healthy but found out in August that she had Lymphoma. She had 5 chemo treatments and everything else we could do to save her but it didn't work. I have a wonderful brother, husband and 2 year old daughter that are here to help but I feel as though I need to talk to some others that are struggling or have been through this before. My mother lived with me when she was sick and I have not been able to go through her things or really move anything yet. My brother and I have decided we need to heal more first. I definately feel orphaned. My father walked out on mom a couple of years ago and is not really communicating with any of us at this point so I feel as though I have lost them both. I would love to hear from anyone and maybe we can be a support system for each other.