My dad past away on April 25th from leukemia at the age of 60. My dad was my whole world and I still cannot believe he is gone. I wake up every day in shock and begin to think about him and that he is not here. I struggle through the day and when I get done with work I almost become paralyzed again. I feel lost and don't know what to do with myself. The images of the day he past, watching him pass and the last supper I had with him stick in my head and keep replaying over and over just as clear as day. The worst for me is the fact that I got wrapped up in my own life that I never took the time to go and see him. I have three kids he only briefly knows because of my selfishness. He always invited us over for a BBQ and we never went. I was always worried about how much gas it would cost because we lived about an hour away. Before I got married and had kids I spent a lot of time with him along with my brother. My dad coached me and my brother when we played soccer and was always willing to help us and pick us and brush us off. I remember when I had that last supper with him in the hospital he asked me why is he being punished and I told him God does not punish. We were very tight! Now I will have to carry this cross for the rest of my life. God, I miss him so much!! Now that I think about my dad and what he said about being punished I almost have to wonder if he does punish?
