HannahLovesHerBigBrother

The picture is of my brother Chad and his girlfriend.

Hi Everyone, My name is Hannah. I am thirteen years old and lost my beloved eighteen year old brother Chad in a car accident on September 4th, 2009. I have three siblings and I love them all very much, but as far as my memory can take me back Chad was always my "favorite". (Favorites are bad, I know, but I'm the youngest.. haha) In 7th grade; last year, there were countless essays revolving around the same topic, "who do you admire and why?" Time and time again, I picked Chad. Holly (my 20 year old sister) & Travis (my 17 year old brother) were caught up with there own friends, problems, and etc as well as Chad... but he was the one to take a break from those types of things and listen to me. Being five years older than me, that meant the world to me and always will. I dont know how he did it, but he always knew the right things to say. Those talks are very precious to me now. ♥ Or even if he was the one to go on his own myspace or facebook account and expalin to me where he was in this picture or who this person was. Or the times we'd go off driving in the car together and he'd always rap the songs to me. (: I remember lots of things... and then I don't. Everything pretty much hurts at the moment, but I'm fighting for you Chaddybear. I miss him so much, my heart aches constanly, day in, day out. It furiates me at times to know he wont be here, for my little special things like licenses, proms, or even his own special things, but I know he's up there with God, watching me. I KNOW he's with God.. that's just no where I want him to be. He was freaking eighteen years old. It does not make sense to me. He was becoming such a good young man and his life gone. How he wanted to be a father and have kids. It kills to know he won't have these things. It's been barley three months and I am so hurt and upset. How can I go through the rest of my life without my brother pyschically here? Another problem now is that I don't feel like I fit in with my age group anymore. I am thirteen almost about to be fourteen and in the eight grade. I've always been mature, but now it's just to an extent where I'm pretty much off in my own land. My classmates are so stupid and furiates me that they spend time goes, "I GOT A STAIN ON MY SHIRT! IM GONNA GO CRY IN THE BATHROOM!" They look at me for an approval of some sort I guess as if to say, "OMG! Thats horrible," But I just dont care... and it's just plain old stupid to be honest. That us kids focus on stupid things. No thirteen year old in my school can relate to me. Everyday is such a struggle even doing the slightest things take so much energy. This family of his, misses him so so so much. Words can't even being to explain the... whirl wind of emotions that run through out our house. It's so hard at the moment, just everything is. I love you so so so much Chad!!! <3 My big brother always! Nothing i'm writing right now even comes close to how much I love you and always will. You always took the time out of your day to talk to me and in return I could ask you the stupidest things. You mean the world to me. Eighteen years of wonder and love you gave to the world Chad. A sixteen year old boy came crying up to my mother at my brother's wake saying how Chad would stand up for him when he would get bullied in shop, another how Chad took the time out of two weeks where he could be doing what ever he wanted to, but taught him how to through sliders and curve balls, etc, to make the varsity basketball team. Chad was popular. Now a day when we think popular we think snobby snuck up kids self centered and so forth.. but not Chad. I know loved ones tend to make there loved ones seems perfect, but Chad was popular and with a graduating class of 400 and something students he knew everyones name and never acted like he was better than anyone. And the details about his accident hurt too for we know not why he swerved and his car rolled over into a ditch with his girlfriend who survived. Please help or give advice. PS. It is also hard to be a thirteen year old girl going through this. Adolescence all. It's hard to be around a family like this.. all broken. It's hard to see my parents like this and be in a household where the only sibling you talked to and loved very much is no longer there. Please help!!! Please Read: http://www.1stresponder.com/webpages/news/DisplayNews.aspx?PT=state&state=MA&ID=ccad3995-3575-472e-ac0d-5f8caed48f1d Please Watch: