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I just want the holidays to be over quickly - new year's will be very hard because I always talked to my mom at midnight and this time she won't be at the phone. I think about when I was little and she took me out on the porch and we would bang the pots at midnight. It's been 18 days since she passed and I'm just walking around in a fog most of the time. I miss her so much. I have a 3-month old and a 20-month and I can't even get excited for them. I dont' think xmas will ever be the same again.

I lost my mom 2 weeks ago today. I got the call from my sister at about 2:30 that afternoon that mom passed away last night in her sleep. It felt like something wrenched my heart out of my chest. My heart hurts everyday. I miss my mom so much; we were very close. I worried all my life about the day my mom would leave this earth. I used to hope I'd go before her to avoid this pain but I know that's selfish and parents just shouldn't have to burry their children. I wake up everyday and I hear my sister telling me that mom passed away. I had just spoke to her the night before and I planned to pick her up to stay a couple nights with me and the kids, as we usually did. I wanted to be dead too just so I could be with her again. I'm trying to keep strong for my two little ones and I know that my mom would want me to go on with my life, happily. She is my best friend, forever.