Greatguy3

Thanks Ron.... Your post made me feel a little better... sorry everyone, I wasn't (still) thinking straight. I was in shock. I think the shock is wearing off but pain is the worst yet today. I hope the moderator will move this thread... Again sorry everyone.

Is this about loving myself?

Every place I have ever lived in by myself was just a shell, sterile. No pictures, no nick nacks, no decorations. The women in my life would add something here and there, but I never did. Yesterday I went to buy some winter boots (as my step mom balled me out for not having any). Along with the boots, I ended up buying a hall mirror, wall clock and a couple of throw rugs. I also put some pictures up on the wall. Today I am going to buy some more items that I feel will make my house a home. I am going to buy a photo album so I can put the important pictures throught my life in a safe place. I have never done this before... is this an act self love?... It seams to make me feel a little better about myself.

Thanks Korina... I am 46 and alone in a small town I moved to from Toronto a couple of years ago. I separated myself from friends and family and let the relationship be all I had.... I was so very happy, but strangely I gained weight, spent money to fill an unfillable void and sucked the relationship dry because I was not able to provide any love and caring for myself.... I now have support from my Dad and step Mom. (My step mom has been unterly giving and loving)... I had not talked to my dad for over 10 years until a week ago. I blamed him for childhood issues that that were wrecking my relationships. I blamed everyone but me.... I never gave my step mom a chance period... Turns out she is the most loving person ever. She treats me like her own son... Just what I need right now. There are so many other issues wrapped up in all this so it's not just the loss, but a film reel of my whole life... I have been carrying around 46 years of pain and anger that has set the tempo of my life and part of why I lose relationships. These issues are probably way out of the scope of this forum, but I just wanted to give more background. I am also just enrolled in Therapy... I am grieving the loss, god the pain is intense. But I have work to do on myself as well. I never took emotional care for myself before, so I am utterly terrified.... Day 8

Richard

Tim, she left because of issues in the relationship... Doesn't make it easier, though...

Richard

I lost my spouse seven months ago and it is finally getting easier. We had married young and vitually grown up together so now I have to learn a lot of new things alone. It is not easy, especially since we had been through grief before when we lost a daughter plus others in our family. At least then we handled it together. We each have our own special way to handle grief but my way seemed to be to keep busy. Friends are a great source of help also. It helps both them and you if you let them help. They also feel a loss of a good friend. Just keep taking each day one at a time. It's good that you are in a therapy group. I found that therapy helps you again as you pass the first pain filled months. I just finished my second session and got a lot more out of this one. Good luck to you and don't give up.

Thanks for the support... I am getting through another day... I will visit. I feel better that I am not alone and that everyone has stories to share...

Thanks

Richard

I have my Dad and step mom (thank GOD)... I had let myself get lost in the relationship.... There was no separation between myself and the relationship... we were one in identity. I need to care for myself, because I never have in my life. I am in Therapy too. I am going to find out just who I really am and weather the perfect storm of pain.

Richard

Thank you Susan... As you said, the only thing keeping me going is the instinct to survive... It's a rough place to be. I feel like my entire soul is gone. I go minute by minute... with wave after wave of pain ripping through me.... I feel bad, because I can't give back to anyone else as I am at the point of just barely surviving myself... Maybe one day I will be able to do what you just did for me...

Thank you again

Richard

My name is Richard and I am a 46 year old man in the grips of the perfect storm of pain. I am so completely devestated... The girl I felt was the one has left me.... The door has slammed shut and I am at a low I never thought could possibly exist... 1 month ago, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life... It's been just 7 days now and I don't know what to do from here.... I am reaching out and I am sorry to burden people with this, but I don't know how I am going to get through this...

Richard