tmanning

Missin_SIS, Thank you for your words of encouragement, and my sympathy on the loss of your sister. Am having some days that are easier than others, but mostly right now am struggling with anger that her life was taken so suddenly, anger that my mom and stepdad had to watch helplessly while their baby died, just anger that all our prayers were answered with a resounding 'NO' I'm a Christian and know that I must reconcile myself to God's will, and am sure that I will in time, but right now I'm just furious. Thank you for listening and for your comforting words, and just for being a sounding board for the things that I can't say out loud to my family or even myself at times, but somehow it's easier to type them. I've got a lot of work to do, I know.

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. Our family was somewhat nontraditional as my sister was much younger than me, arriving when I was 18, so in many ways she was more like a niece or even like one of my kids - I used to rock her and my son at the same time, one on each arm. I'm a nurse and thought I understood what was happening from a medical standpoint, and thought I was ready for what was coming, but for past few weeks am struggling with how ANGRY I am that God didn't answer the fervent prayers of our entire family and community for seven weeks. Jeanee' too didn't have a chance to fight, she was transferred to a larger hospital and placed on a vent that same night, all the while thinking that she would 'get better' from the pneumonia...the last thing she said before they tubed her was, 'maybe if I just try a little harder" to breathe on her own. She was so scared, and then she was sedated for seven weeks, and then she was gone. It's been ten weeks now and I feel like I'm waking up from a bad dream to find that I am furious! and feeling this way flys in the face of everything I've ever been taught or believed, I know we aren't meant to know question God but I just want...I'm just so mad at God, and I can't even say that out loud...but somehow feel safe writing it here. anyway, thank you for the ear and God bless you and yor family as you struggle with your loss, condolences.

OK, its been three weeks today since my baby sister died. I'm back at work, functioning, going about my business but its like I'm wading through a thick fog or a thick vat of mud and just concentrating on getting thru without thinking, and then every so often the fog breaks or lifts, while I'm at work or in the grocery store or in a restaurant or pumping gas, and I think, 'Jeanee's dead, she didn't survive, she's not coming back and I've got the rest of my life to have to live and help my family live without her,' and the hurt and grief just comes crashing back in and I have to stop what I'm doing and just get by myself somewhere and SOB for a minute or two, and then the fog comes back and i'm able to go on about my business. I know the folks around me keep noticing my red tearful eyes but are understanding and don't say anything, or if they do express sympathy, they are very understanding of my breaking down again, just for a minute or two, and then I just hurry up and keep going again. I feel like I'm going crazy when I am able to talk matter of factly about my sister's illness and death, it feels like I'm not even really in my mind, like I'm an imposter or a disinterested person, but I think that's a defense mechanism because when I do really feel the hurt, it cuts like a jagged knife. I'm just really, really tired, from the work of going about life, and the work of trying to be 'OK' while doing it. This grief work is exhausting and I just want a break!

Matt's sister, Deepest sympathies on the loss of your precious brother. My sister also had ARDS caused by H1N1 and was on the ventilator for seven weeks. She lost her battle on April 28, 2010. The hurt and sense of loss is more overwhelming with each passing day, as well as the shock and feeling of senselessness that this happened to a young and previously healthy person. I too had a moment when I had to leave her bedside and go to the chapel and just lay all the worry, hurt, anguish and fear at the foot of the Cross and leave it there. That did help me for a little while, but ...I don't know, every day since her death is harder and harder, and I cry now, just going about daily activities, even when not particularly thinking of her, she just pops into my mind and I'm in tears. I think we are all still in shock and I am so impatient and anxious for this severe hurting to just be over!

My sister died April 28, 2010 from ARDS. She was 27. She contracted H1N1 influenza which progressed to pneumonia and then to ARDS. She was heavily sedated/unconscious and on a ventilator for seven weeks, having being admitted to ICU on March 10th and placed on vent immediately that night. For a brief while it looked as if she might be getting better but then took a bad turn and was placed on inhaled nitric oxide for most of the remainder of her illness. The ordeal of watching her suffer thru this and watching my elderly parents have to suffer as well, still leaves me feeling numb and when not numb, angry. I know my sister is in Heaven and take comfort in that assurance, but just do not understand why this had to happen to her.

Hi Sally i'm new to this and unsure how to use, but my younger sister died of ARDS brought on by H1N1 influenza/pneumonia. She was 27 and healthy before all this happened, a second grade teacher. She spent seven weeks on a ventilator in an ICU in Louisiana, and we all rode the rollercoaster of good days, bad days, getting better, getting worse, hopeful one minute and then griefstricken the next. She went on the vent March 11th and died April 28. I know I can't know exactly what you are going thru, but please know that your post here helped me this morning, just to know someone who lost someone to similar circumstances, and that your feelings of guilt, while normal, are unwarranted and false. I'm sure your brother knew how much you loved him and that he loved you back in kind. My sympathies and condolences to you and your family.