Shelley
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Posts posted by Shelley
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My father died April 10,2006. I'm taking care of my mother who does not even know he is gone. It is lonely. My brother and sister do not communicate. I have no one to talk about this loss with. I can't go to bereavement sessions because all my free time is taken up with caring for my mother. My life is on hold in so many ways and it is very sad. I don't know if feelings of helplessness, hopelessnes, loneliness is going to go on forever now. I need something good to happen in my life but every door seems to be shut in my face. Is this part of the grieving process or do I have other serious problems. Suicide has entered my mind more than once. But I have my mother and my pets to care for first. I just wish I could feel happy once again.
Has anyone gone through this? Does happiness every come again? Do our lives ever have hope again?
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Ell,
You are an angel on earth. You really touched my heart with the story about your mother and being able to touch her with your defenses down. I am so sorry that you have and are going through such pain ...I think all I can do right now is pray for you and that all your circumstances will change and life will get better for you very soon.
It is sad that I keep reading, hearing, learning about people who are caretakers for their parents and end up desitute. What the heck is going on?
Why are good people being punished?
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Eli,
Thank you so much. My story sounds a lot like yours - only more recent. My mother also (maybe unwittingly) worked to keep me at a distance from my father. I realized only in the last year that he was really a good guy and she was the manipulator. And, yet, she is helpless now and want to care for her...I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. As for "how it sounds" that you talk to your father. I completely understand. I believe in the afterlife, ...but today for some reason I was trying hard to find a reason not to believe...weird. I guess it might be a need to beat myself up. Like I have control over life and death and somehow failed to save my father and so I should suffer. The last two weeks of my father's life I had to do everything for him. Today I was having thoughts like maybe I didn't let him know, really know that I loved him and he just "gave up" and died because he didn't want to be a burden.
Marty T,
Thank you also. I took a quick look at the care giver site and will go back to take a good long look through the links, I already see some wonderful information that might help me. Thank you for your support and caring. I need to learn as much as I can so I can help myself.
Kathy,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know how you are feeling and thank you for taking time from your own grief to offer such kind words. I am not anti-medication. I am trying to work through my feelings without medication, but if I don't I would consider seeing a doctor. I'm trying to examine my feelings...it might be that I have been depressed for a long time and my father's death just made everything so raw that it woke me up to my feelings.
Tara,
Knowing that others understand what I am feeling does help to take the sting out of this a little. You brought up a good point...to examine why we do things for people..."do we expect something in return"....Tara I really have to look deeply into my soul to find out if that is why I do help people. Sometimes I think it is because I see myself in them and would want someone to help me. It hurts me to see people needing help and knowing that I can do something to help them...but I am open to the fact that maybe I have some buried motive besides compassion or empathy.
To all of you....thank you for taking the time to respond and for not making me feel like I am having a pity party...I am so glad to be here. Today was so strange, I thought I was dealing with all of this then wham!!!
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I've been doing O.K. since losing my father on April 10, 2006. By O.K. I mean...I've had feelings that he is alive in another dimension and that he is fine...then all of a sudden today I have doubts and questions and I ask myself if anything I could have done would have changed things. Anyway, today I just feel like I am going to suffocate from sadness. I am still taking care of my mother, she is so fragile, I have to be up and happy for her but what I am really feeling is that I will lose her too, it's inevitable and then I will really be alone. I feel like I am living in an altered state. I can't remember the last time I felt happy and hopeful and looked forward to the future and happy events, etc....I've lost all hope...I have helped so many people in my lifetime and now I feel in my time of need that nothing and no one is on my side. I can't remember the last time I got a lucky or even happy break...I feel doomed to a life of greyness....
Having A Delayed Reaction!
in Loss of a Parent or Grandparent
Posted
I lost my father in April of 2006 and now my mother in September. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced the following: When my father died I had to continue caring for my 90 year old mother and it was very sad. During that time I almost immediately experienced profound grief for my father. I was coming to terms with it when my mother died. For a few weeks I have been o.k. with this because I was happy that they were finally together again. But they were my best friends and I feel so alone now. So....I've been O.K. until today. Today I am unbelievably depressed. I see people together, happy doing things and I wonder if I will ever be happy again. I am so sad today....could I be having a delayed reaction to the death of my parents? And, will this pass? And does anyone have tips to help me overcome this feeling of terrible emptiness and hopelessness?
Thanks,
Michele