mom2jared

There are days when I feel like myself again and other days when I am depressed. Lately I am feeling more depressed because my birthday is on Friday, April 15, the first without my mother and then the anniversary of her death is on May 2. It doesn't help that my family is not close anymore. My brother feels like I do, but even though we live close by, we don't see each other every day or talk every day. My Dad is dating again and it seems like my brother and I are left on our own. I understand we're not teenagers anymore, in fact I'm going to be 41 on Friday, but since mom has been gone, I need him now more than ever. I know that everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like he's ignoring me and my brother. He even wants to take his girlfriend to my mom's unveiling, which I feel is disrespectful to my mother. I realize he wants her to meet the family who lives up north where my mom is buried, but taking her to the unveiling is not something I'm comfortable with and I don't know how to tell my Dad. I have a feeling that he will listen to me, but do whatever he wants to do whether I like it or not. I can't deal with all of this and don't know what to do!

Thanks for the advice, Marty! My Dad finally called me last night. I told him that I was worried about him. He told me not to worry and that he would only call me for something important. I guess I was so used to my mom calling me once a week and now that she's gone, I need to adjust to not hearing from my Dad. How would you handle this?

I already tried talking to him about this, Deb, several times and the answer always is "I'll try to keep in better contact with you". I even told him that I would really like to go out to dinner with him and his girlfriend and he said "We'll plan something soon", but this never materializes. Either I remind him too much of my mother and he doesn't want to be with me right now or he feels that my brother and I can take care of ourselves because we're adults (I'm 40 and my brother is 38) and he can do whatever he wants. I don't know what to think. My Grief Counselor advised me to let him have his space and when he's ready, he'll call me, but I don't want to wait because I know that I have to take the initiative or he won't. I have a nine year old son who misses his grandfather and I want my father to be part of his life.

My mother passed away from Ovarian Cancer last May and Dad started dating again three months after mom's death. He is now serious with one lady, which he met online. On the one hand, I am happy that he is happy again as he was married to my mom for 45 years and it was a shock to everyone when she died five months after being diagnosed with the ovarian cancer. However, I am feeling neglected and ignored by my Dad. For example, on Sunday I went over to his house to bring him a valentines day card and my tax info since he does my taxes. There was a newspaper in the driveway, mail in the mailbox from Sat and one pissed off cat who wasn't being cared for. I realize that Dad has his own life now, but it would be nice to know if he is going away so I can take care of the cat or in case there was an emergency. It hurts that he rarely calls me and the only time that I talk to him is when I need money or I need him to fix something in my house. I am really hurt that he doesn't want to call me just to make sure that I'm okay. I don't know what's going on and would appreciate any advice. Thanks!