Lily P

I think it's a lovely idea.

I and his children each bought a necklace when we were arranging the funeral / memorial service. The rest of the ashes were scattered. I have a tiny heart, that I have not yet worn as I'm scared of losing it, but it stays at my bedside so he is close by as I sleep.

Before being in this situation, I might've found it a little strange, but now I think it's a wonderful way of knowing a little piece of him is always with me, as well as always in my heart.

Lily

Thank you all for your responses and kind words. It's good to hear your thoughts and know I am not alone (or going crazy!)

I'm already finding that just reading some of the posts here are really helpful to me too. Everyday is a new day bringing different emotions. So glad I have found somewhere to come to share.

Lily

I lost my partner to pancreatic cancer 6 weeks ago. I was his sole caregiver and witnessed the awful effects of this terrible disease and side-effects of the chemotherapy treatment. While others are grieving over the loss, and missing his bubbly personality, I seem to be on a different planet to them. I keep re-living the traumatic moments of his illness, the debilitating sickness, the events that led to 911 calls and intensive care. The all-consuming fear of not knowing what side effect was going to happen next or even if he would still be alive when I awoke in the morning.

Even though he was at home where he wanted to be, and with me by his side, most of all I am haunted by his final 24 hours, and his suffering and struggle as he slowly passed away.

Have any of you felt the same way? How do I get through this?

Lily