My grandma died on october 12th 2010 and i am having a hard time even processing it still to thsi day. The events that happened still shock me. It was late september and i was in biology when i received a message from my mother stating that i needed to call her the second my class was over. Right away panic came to me like a flash of lighting cause my mother doesnt say those words unless it is important. At 5:30 pm i learnt that my grandma was in the hospital and was having trouble breathing. The first thing that went through my head was that it could have jsut been an ashma attack so i relaxed. AT 7:30 i was at the verdun catholic hospital where i learnt that the doctors had no idea what she had or what was wrong and that i had to wear gloves and a gown and a mask to even see her. My grandma was a strong woman therefore i refused to cry when i was near her. i walked in and i read to her and of course this caused a fight between my aunt and my dad but i didnt care because my grandma was on a hospital bed jsut staring me and struggling to survive. The next day i had a class at 8 and a huge break till 4 therefore i went back to the hospital. When i was there things where getting worst. Her veins collapsing her breathing becoming very minimal even with the nose tube attached to her her. I didnt what to leave her because soemthing in my body told me that something was wrong but my aunt was forcing me to go. She claimed shed call me if anything went wrong. I thought i could trust her o i went to my class. after the class i felt better sinc ie had received no call. At 8 o clock on my way home i received a call frommy mother to go meet my father at the hospital. I drove their and could not figure out what was going on. When i got their i learn very fast that my aunt didnt call me and that my two aunts did not want me at the hospital bt i didnt care. the nurse told me she was in intensive care and my whole body shot up in nerves. i spent days going back forth waitign to knwo what she had.... On october 6th i learnt that my grandma had MDS(meanign your cells get destroyed) what made it even worse was that she was in a self indugenced coma cause the doctors said ti was the only way to keep her alive. On oct.7th i learnt that my grandma was dieing because she had leukemia as well. I didnt knwo hwo to handle the news. It destroyed me but no was allowed to see the full damage. On my 18th birthday october 8th i spend the whole day in the waiting room waiting. The doctors have takign her out of the coma and takign the tube out of her... They had claimed she was doing better but the nurse on staff who i had befriended had be it wasnt the case and they were jsut trying ot let her die peacefully and not in pain. After that i couldnt go to the hospital ever again. On oct. 11th my entire family went to see her but i couldnt becaus ei was so scared and so hurt that i didnt want her to see me break down. I decided id go see her on the 12th between my class... On october 12th 5 minutes before my break i learnt that my grandma was dead. I didnt learn it through my family or friends but through facebook becaus emy aunt posted it up. I ran otu of class and i dont think i ever cried so hard. Till this day i feel like it was my fault. I should have been their i shoul dhave told eh ri loved her. The griefing after as been hell. caus ei wanted to say goodbye and didnt. i wanted to tell her i loved her and i couldnt...my two aunts made it worse by screaming at me tha tit was my fuatl and that i killed and tha ti always wanted her to die. I miss my grandma i miss the way she played her my hair when i hugd her to calm me down. I miss the logn conversations and i miss her. I am sorry this is long i jsut had to let it out...
