Hi,
Last year was very difficult for me. I lost both of my parents within a four month period of each other. I also lost my job of 23 years and my relationship of 6 years had recently broken up. My Mom's death was a surprise and my Dad had been sick for awhile, but to loose both of them so close together, was unbelievable. I have a brother who didn't even show up to help, so everything fell upon my shoulders. I did have family that supported me emotionally and everything worked out on the "taking care of financial things" side. I feel so much guilt because I was not close with my parents. They were divorced, my Mom was a paranoid schizophrenic and my Dad was such a controlling person. I feel such emptiness and like I don't want to let anyone close to me. I try so hard to move on and whenever I get paperwork or anything that reminds me of them, I cry. It is strange but it is like a piece of me has broken off and I am different. I haven't really ever let people close before in the first place and now I just feel like "who cares" sort of attitude. I have to force myself sometimes to go to my new job or even go out with friends which I don't do very often. I make up excuses or just plain don't show up. I pretend I am happy when at work and make lots of jokes because that is how I deal, I guess. I do the same thing when I do make it out to be with friends too. I just don't know what to do and will I come to place where I change and become a better person or something?
Thanks for any advice,
Sheri
