put my 16 y.o yorkie down yesterday. she was always the most vibrant, energetic, loving animal. up until age 14 she showed no signs of slowing down, with the exception of some hearing loss. i would take her to the park everyday and let her run around like a 2 y.o. then suddenly, over the course of a few days, she went almost completely blind. i was devastated. our lives were completely changed in an instant. cataract surgery , in my mind, at her age, was not an option. i became deeply depressed and contemplated putting her down then so i could move on. but i realized that would be selfish, so i committed myself to making her days as enjoyable and comfortable as they could be as long as she wanted to live and wasnt suffering. i accepted what we had, and enjoyed her maybe more than ever before when i saw her courage to cope with her debilitating condition. i slept on the floor to keep her safe from falling out of bed. 20 months went by, and as time moved on, i knew the end was growing ever closer. lately her navigation skills in her surroundings had diminished, and her appetite wasnt what it once was. id gone to giving her hamburger and roast beef slivers because it was about the only thing i could get her to eat. i didnt feel she was suffering, but ive read that it can be difficult to tell in dogs until the pain gets overwhelming. i talked myself into seeing my vet to discuss whether euthanasia might be the best thing for her now, and to proceed with it if he felt so, even though i knew the decision was entirely mine. the night before the appointment she enjoyed her ride in my truck we take every night more than ever, and ate as well as she ever does. that convinced me to let her live on awhile, but i planned to keep the appointment to discuss it. but she woke me up in the middle of the night not feeling well. i let her out but she just stood there on the step not moving. i took her back in and laid with her in her favorite chair. her breathing became labored, and eventually she had a seizure followed by very rapid breathing which eventually slowed. i thought she was dying in my arms, but she came back somehow. but when i put her down from the chair she was very lethargic and disoriented. id always told myself i wouldnt let her suffer, and while it was possible that she would come back from this episode, i took it as a sign that it was time to put her to rest. so i took her in and put her down. absolutely the hardest thing ive ever done. harder than losing my parents. and im not ashamed to admit that. but now im having the inevitable feelings of guilt that maybe i acted too fast and should have waited to see if she would get better. but better for what. a life that was already of very little quality? and would i be doing it selfishly for me and not in her best interests? any words from anyone to help ease my mind that i acted accordingly would be greatly appreciated. i felt like i went above and beyond what most pet owners would have done. i just miss her so much. thanks for reading. phil
