NanR

THanks. It is good to be able to talk about these things. I do hope it helps others as well. Blessings.

Yeah, you're right about not being so tough on ourselves. My counselor yesterday told me to stop beating myself up and do things that make me happy. (This was things in general.) So I am doing that. I know that I did the best I could with both my suffering cats, and so did the vet. I got mad at God because I kept asking for wisdom and it seemed like I kept making bad decisions. But I still did the best i could do. I'm sorry it is still hard. It does get less hard. It isn't that "time heals" because it doesn't. But God does heal and comfort us. I think I didn't tell you I was so mad at God about Boots (my cat who died last April) that at one point I was yelling and kicking him in the shins. He was patient, and I cried and he comforted me. He still comforts me. Oh, and I told him he could just forget about me ever having another pet, or, for that matter, loving anybody new, ever, it hurt too much and just forget it. Hummph. When I would listen, he told me that I was too going to have more pets, because it's part of my job to take care of animals here, and furthermore, that I was too going to love new animals and people. He just said it. I hummphed some more, but he's right. It's too late for me to stop loving. He's got me already. Now it makes me laugh to have gone through all that with him. He's so kind. (But he keeps on saying that the only pets I can have are domesticated animals. I pointed out that elephants are domesticated, but he says they'd be miserable here, it's too cold, and just forget it.) I'm sort of babbling. sorry.

I am so sorry for all your pain and loss. I've been through a similar thing with one of my cats. I, too, have heard the "It's only a cat", as well as the "Well, how long did you want him to live?" That one made me want to scream and hit. I'm a Christian. I've heard both they do and don't go to Heaven. I think they do. CS Lewis thought they do. My hardest part isn't that, but the decisions I made to treat my cat. He suffered, and I think I made it worse. The vet and I were doing the best we could, tho. All I can do is crawl into Jesus's lap,and sit there. Or, yell at him. I do both, but mostly lap sitting. and crying for my poor little boy. Thank you for sharing your story.