Violet Rose

Frannie There are no words and not enough words to say. I lost my Dad around the same time as yours. Like your Dad, mine fought and won over many illnesses over his life and this was one more I thought he would pull through, but, alas the man who I called a 'cat with 9 lives' had no more lives spare. We are left to pick up the pieces of our shattered hearts and to carry on. We may have lost them physically but I found that in their passing of life, they are passing on their strength, wisdom and knowledge. I look at myself now and see so many of my Father's traits that I know that he is with me every day, because I am his daughter and who I am and what I do is partly of him and partly of my Mother. In saying that, it still hasn't stopped me from crying, feeling alone and abandoned. Time will heal, I just don't know how long. Dad's passing has hit me like an Antinov. Kayla

I am angry and I don't really understand why and everyone around me is copping my outbursts. The insomnia and broken sleep is starting to take it's toll as I am tired yet cannot get sleep. I am not ready to be back at work but I have to. Every time someone asks if I am OK, I burst into tears. I know this is going to take time, but this had affected me a lot more than I ever expected it to. Lost is about the closest single word to describe this. Kayla

I lost my Father on 11 April 2011, I am an only child and lost my mother in 1996. I have my good days and my bad days, today is not a good day. I go through so many emotions and sometimes don't know why, but even with a loving partner, I feel alone, scared and abandoned. I know my Father would never abandon me, yet I feel that I have. I still have my times of disbelief that he is gone. I am trying to slowly clean the old house up and keep finding myself waiting for him to walk into a room and ask me what I am doing. This is a roller coastr that I don't want to be on and can only get off after time has healed. At the moment I am struggling with depression, anger and insomnia. I am trying to do my job and keep up my usual routine but it is hard and sometimes I don't feel like fighting. I am not angry at my Dad as I know he could not stay but for some reason I am angry. It could be frustration but I still want to lash out and scream or throw things. The lonliness and despair of the hole he has left in my life is almost unbearable but I have to continue on. At this very moment, crawling under my desk and crying is something I desperately want to do. Kayla