MattC

I got her ashes back packed in a blue bag and in a small, very nice wooden display case. I have them in a glass cabinet surrounded by the nice card I received from the vet who treated her and another nice card that has a wonderful poem on it about how we will meet our departed furry friends again one day. I miss her greatly but to have wished for her continued life as it was would have only been selfish. I know how much discomfort she was in. I was going to take her to the vet on the weekend before she died of natural causes to be euthanized, she seemed to be getting so uncomfortable and out of sorts. I know she is in a better place and am glad for her for it. That doesn't change though how much I miss her.

Thank you, Becka. Yes, it will take time for me to get used to having only 4 cats in the house. I will miss her for a very long time.

I am very sorry to report that tonight I came home from work and found my darling Penny dead. She fought the good fight but in the end, the cancer finally took her. She was still warm but rigor mortis had set in. There was no question that she had gone. She was in one of her favorite corners to lie in, so there is some comfort in knowing that. In hindsight, a look crossed her face this morning before I left after I put her down on the couch that said that she knew her time was very near. I guess I will have to look for that same expression on my other cats' faces as they too age and eventually succumb to this or that disease. I will have to take her in to the vet tomorrow morning. I plan to have her cremated and will keep her ashes. I am glad for one thing: that her suffering has finally come to an end. She must have been in great discomfort and death was undoubtedly a great relief for her. She is over the Rainbow Bridge now and one day I will see her again, like I will see all my cats.

It's been 3 weeks now and between the stuff I am dropper-feeding her and the homeopathic meds I think she is doing a little better. But it is hard to watch her become skin and bones right in front of me. It's also hard knowing that 90% of the time she would just prefer to be left alone. No more hopping up onto the bed from her, or getting awakened to her grooming my temple! These are all things of the past now. It's very sad indeed. She's hanging in there though. I just wish I knew more what to expect over, say, the next month. Waiting for someone you care about to die is indeed the longest wait there is.

Hi Ron, You are closest to the situation so you know best what to do and it sounds like you have spent a lot of time considering things as well as have a good grasp of what is going on with you. You are also doing a lot of owning of your own feelings which is rare and admirable in such a situation. Yes, you are doing the right thing. I say, full steam ahead with this plan! Matt

Thank you for your reply, Marty. I read the tip sheet and am grateful for it. I am dropper-feeding her very small amounts. She is getting just enough moisture I feel to sustain her marginally. She isn't too happy about it but is not fighting me that hard. She is eating no solid foods and shows no interest in drinking from the water fountain in the kitchen. Her behavior matches well with what the tip sheet says: she is reclusive, sleeps (or semi-sleeps) much of the time, and continues to get thinner and thinner. She is indeed entering the last stages of life. I won't rob her of this however unless it becomes apparent that she is in pain-- if she starts making noises that are consistent with an animal in distress, I will not hesitate to take her to the vet. I am not sure what other signs I would need to make me decide to do that but I have a feeling I would somehow know if she wanted me to make that decision for her. I just am not so sure what it would look like. I guess I will have to see what happens. No matter what I am just grateful every time I come home and find her sitting in front of the door. One day I may not see this and it could be because she will be too weak to get up, or maybe she will have passed on. But I take it all a day at a time.

Hi Ron, I had the same issue with my sister. It sounds like your brother may have Borderline Personality Disorder, not the other thing you mentioned. Sudden rages are also a hallmark of some type of bipolar disorder as well, most likely Bipolar I. The difference between the two (BPD and BP1) is that BPD people may or may not suffer from some measure of depression though the two are often what shrink types call "co-morbid" or "co-occurring". Also, BPD describes a behavior pattern but does not attempt to explain causes. To say someone has a personality disorder is an observation of their behavior, not a diagnosis of an underlying actual psychiatric condition. In the case of BP1, that is a psychiatric diagnosis. BP1 may give rise to a personality disorder like BPD, but the two shouldn't be confused. They also have distinct diagnostic specs/descriptive features but the self-righteousness is one that they do share. So that is not distinguishing. I hope this helps. It took me years to figure out what was going on in my FOO (Family Of Origin) and I eventually found out (and they did too) that a psychiatric disorder(s) were behind the dysfunction of my family and individuals within it. As for approaching your brother about this, that is a tough one. You may not be able to discuss this with him in a rational fashion. The only thing, and best thing you can do for yourself, is protect yourself from his outbursts, if necessary limiting the time you spend around him or, as was necessary in my case, to eliminate entirely time spent around him-- until he can realize he has a problem and get help for it. One thing you can do for him if you make that decision is tell him flatly that his outbursts are both unacceptable and indicative that he has an anger mgt. problem or other problem that expresses itself in anger and until he gets a handle on it, you won't expose yourself to him. Then expect him to get very angry with you and blame you for his anger. But that is just too bad. Dealing with people like this requires you to know and set your own boundaries and then stick with them. This is as much a test for you as it will be for him to get a handle on his problems. Sorry if this sounds preachy or like I am doing too much advice-giving. Mostly I am just trying to share with you my own experiences and what I did about them, and what was behind them in my family dynamic. Take what you like, leave the rest.

Thanks, Kay. She is still with us. She fights when I dropper-feed her still so that is a good sign. She has some strength left. Occasionally she seems to tremble a bit as she stands but aside from the lethargy and slowness when she does move, she shows few other signs of illness. One thing I am concerned with as another condition she may have is feline dementia. She seems to be out of it in a way that isn't really explicable by the illness she has. Quite unlike her, she urinated on the carpet last night. In a sense I am glad to see she has produced some output, since it seemed to me she had not over this past week. It could be that it is so much work for her to go downstairs when she is upstairs to use the litter (or even to walk into the box) that she just chose to do her business there, or maybe could not hold it until she got downstairs. (The vet said surprisingly, her kidneys looked good, but that may not have any effect at all on her continence.) Well whether this is feline dementia or a consequence of her diagnosed illness and its complications, the result remains the same: the prognosis stays bad. I am more accepting this week that I was when I wrote my original posting. I accept now that her days are numbered, and that all I can do is try to make life as comfortable as I can until she either passes on of her own accord or until it becomes clear that life is no longer worth living for her, and then I will know to make the final trip to the vet. But if that day comes that I know that is the right thing to do, at least I will have accepted it. I feel sorry for those who have had the loss of their pets suddenly descend upon them without any time to prepare themselves, or to allow their pets to enjoy some more time under their care before they had to die.

Thank you, Becka. She has made it to Sunday night here so far and seems to be getting a bit stronger. She is fighting me more as I try to dropper-feed her which is a good sign. I hope she will start eating again soon though, since this can't sustain her indefinitely. I just have to hope and pray that the homeopathic stuff I am giving her will work a miracle.

Thank you, Kay. Penny is doing as best as can be expected. She is able to get up and walk some, but she shifts her positions where she lies regularly. Like many cancer patients, I am not sure she can stay comfortable in one place for too long. She is taking to going to cool dark places and lying there for long periods. I am guessing she likes the peace and quiet. Predictably she also likes to sleep on my bed. All I can do is palliate her as best I can until she dies. It's a very long wait-- maybe. That is the hard part, there is no clear prognosis. It all depends on how aggressive the disease wants to be. She could suffer with anemia for a week, a month, whatever until it gets bad enough to kill her or cause organ failure or get her to the point where euthanizing her is clearly the best option for her. It's all very frustrating and saddening. I am sorry you had to go through what you did with George though I am sure if you had a better idea of what was happening with him you would have done what needed to be done sooner. We can only act on the best information we have at the time and unfortunately these little ones just can't speak in a language we apprehend directly (spoken or written) but I guess we can infer based on their behavior what they want. When Penny has had enough, I am sure she will find a way to let me know. Until then I will dropper-feed her every day she can enjoy life no matter how long it takes.

Last weekend, on Sat., I took my beloved Penny to the vet. She had lost all interest in eating and was losing weight. The vet took one look at her and said the yellowing around her eyes and ears was not at all good. She suggested an x-ray and blood work. She took Penny back and drew blood and did the x-ray. The x-ray showed a very shrunken liver and enlarged spleen. So at first she said the cat probably had fatty liver disease and that there wasn't much to be done about it. We discussed some options like forced feeding and so on but they didn't seem right given her age (she could well be as old as 16, I am not sure - she was a stray and I have had her for 11 years). I took her home and was determined to at least dropper-feed her. On that same day I found some homeopathic stuff for liver disease on line and ordered it. On Monday the vet called to say the bloodwork had come back. She was severely anemic and had almost no white blood cells. Based on this, she changed the diagnosis to a likely multiple myeloma, or bone marrow cancer. That would explain the enlarged spleen and indeed maybe this cancer had spread to her liver, explaining that, too. So I also found a homeopathic cancer treatment from the same company and ordered that, too. I have to dropper feed her with a mix of water and a nutritional powder supplement I got at the pet store. I also give her the homeopathic stuff. She still hasn't started showing interest in eating. Every day I feel I am at work or any place else is time wasted. I could be at home with her. At the same time I know being at home with her won't stop the inevitable from happening. I will do what I can without making her life unbearable with chemo and other extreme treatments that she probably can't deal with. And every day she just gets thinner and more shiftless. I know that if she doesn't suddenly die from multiple organ failure I will have to have her put down when she can no longer bear to be alive. I know I will know that when the time comes. She will tell me, somehow. I just have to be ready to hear her and respect her wishes and do the right thing. I would just really prefer that this day never come, that's all. I don't know if she has a day, a week, or a month. I am very sad about this whole thing.