We lost our beloved Pogo - an adorable Maltipoo - last Tuesday. I have 3 girls who loved that dog as a brother. They had so many nicknames for him and even a special "language" they would speak to him. We had lost power due to Hurricane Irene and there was a significant increase in traffic on our street because a major road had been shut down and traffic re-routed. So, that plus my daughter opened the door to speak to a friend and he saw a dog walking by and ran into the street to see the dog and he was hit by a car. He died instantly - I've been told there wasn't a cry or a yelp. I am grateful he didn't suffer.
I am grieving deeply. I am the mom - the one who was to protect him, the one who fed him and walked him every day. He followed me everywhere and at times this drove me crazy- he would wait by the door and no matter how long I was away I'd see that cute little face in the door waiting for me to come home.
I am now dealing with intense anger. At everything but mostly myself. I know I am being judged by my neighbors for not properly training the dog to stop going crazy when the doorbell rang. My girls had asked me the day before he died if we could get an electric fence so he could come into the front yard when we were out there - we did have a leash out there but I'd either put him in the fenced in backyard or we'd walk w/a leash. I walked him every day twice a day and I miss that special time.
I am angry at my daughter for being irresponsible - she hasn't told me the whole truth about the accident but I've heard from others that she let him out the front door while talking to her friend........she told me he darted between her legs. She saw the whole thing happened and has kind of shut down emotionally. I'd never blame her and we've spent hours talking about this being an accident - nobody is at fault, nobody wanted this to happen - but I am angry at her.
Nothing will bring him back. I take solace in the fact that he lived a very happy and loving life in our home. He got so much attention from the girls and from every person he came into contact with. He was just that kind of endearing dog.
I can't talk out loud about these feelings. My husband is the stoic type and doesn't understand my intense grief. He is getting angry at me for not just moving on and upsetting the girls if I cry.
I am so sad. I miss my little guy. I didn't protect him, I didn't train him properly and I have to deal with that for the rest of my life.
thank you for listening/reading.
