Two days ago I lost the best friend I have ever had. I bought Sebastian from a pet store in 2003 after stopping by for weeks and wondering why no one wanted this beautiful Boxer puppy. After podering it, i decided to buy him and bring him home with me. Soon after my landlord evicted me due to the no dog policy and i chose to buy a house especially for him. So here we were, me and my buddy. Through good times and bad...months with no heat and terribly hot days we got thru it together. No matter how littl money i had he was always taken care of thru poet visits and premium dog food. He was my confidant and my best friend. No matter how bad of a day i was having, no matter how crappy it was outside, no matter what little money i had..i knew he woul dlove me the same no matter what! We had a connection that went beyond words...we had a connection of feelings.
So here i am now all alone. I no longer can expect that greeting at the door. I can no longer expect to have that responsibility of not being away from home for extened periods of time knowing i had someone at home that i needed to be responsible for. I no longer have the motivation t improve for him. I no longer have the motivation to proviode him/us with a better living condition. The one this that I can say is that we did eventually move into an apartment with central air that he enjoyed, thoroughly!
Upon the move I fell in love with a girl the he equally showed affection for. I feel that since the move, which was almost two years ago, his youthfulness was declining. He started to grey a little more and slept a little longer. I cant help but to think that he felt he no longer needed to be that stong dog for me that he was for so many years.
The beginning of this month i awoke to him looking at me strange. he did all the normal things like following me into the bathroom while i shhower but he wasnt laying, he was just sitting there. I knew something was wrong. I took him to the vet that morning and he had to stay overnight for pacreasitis. That broke my heart. I cried all night, this was the first time he has ever had to stay at the vet overnight before. I was heartbroken and felt so weak. Luckily the next day they released him and tho somewhat lethargic..i was just glad to have my buddy back! To keep things brief, he was admitted a few days later bue to his lethargy coming back...once again hospitalized and one again he didnt seem the same. So the following days of no improvement we decided on an ultrasound which showed a tumor on his spleen that had burst and was leaking blood into his abdomen. My friend was dying. Within minutes of bringing him to the Valley Central clinic the physician advised that he cannot go home and was in shock at this point and needed to be put to sleep. I have NEVER felt pain like this before in my life. My only confidant, my best friend was dying.
After being on the IV and having oxygen they let him back in the room to say his goodbyes. Me and my girlfriend were just balling like crazy as he kept liking my face, as to tell me it was alright..and it was his time to go. I cant help but to think of how alone i am going to be...how i knew he couldnt live forever but i still needed him. He couldnt leave me now...
I held him through the entire process and whispered into his ear, kissing his lips as i felt im slip away...my heart is officially broken.
I know I have my friends and family to help me through this time and i am not alone due to having a loving and caring woman by my side but nothing can replace my friends warm body bext to mine on a cold afternoon! His bark, sneezing and clicking of his nails on the hardwood floors! His smell and the sound of him jumping off/on furniture! Its all so terrible-
I feel embarrassed and alone now that my friend is no longer with me. I am afraid to see people who may ask about him due to he being such a big part of my life! This is just a confusing and sorrowful time in my life and i really dont know how to feel or how to manage...right now i just feel numb and my mind is just blank.
I dont want to clean or change anyting because i am afraid that I will forget aboout him...forget his smell especially! There is still his fur on my couches and his smell in the carpets where he would lay. This just hurts so much and there is part of me that wants to die so I can see him again....
After writing all of this out i definetly feel alot better.
