Hello all. I stumbled across this site yesterday after constantly scouring the web for such a forum, and could finally relate to some of the things I read. While I know my story isn't unique, I need to get it off my chest amongst a community that can relate. Friends that haven't been in this position just don't understand.
A brief history:
I met my boyfriend at work in July when I was still living with another man. He supported me through the end of that relationship, we grew close, and started dating in September (he's 28, I'm 24). Like most other couples I've read about on this site, we had a lovely, quickly budding romance that was going perfectly. I hadn't been with someone so selfless and attentive. Two months into the relationship, we booked our first short trip together for Nov 12. That was the night I was awoken at 2AM by a phone call from him telling me his dad had just died at 57. It came completely out of nowhere, and I suppose it was especially traumatic since he and his mom discovered him lying on the kitchen floor, and tried reviving him unsuccessfully. My boyfriend is an only child. He lives in the house, in the apt. on the top floor.
The story continues accordingly - he was very reliant and appreciative of me during the initial funeral period. I gave him plenty of space at the wake and mass, not knowing his family well yet. He just knew I was there and greatly appreciated it. I'll never forget him texting me "Thank you" from the hearse as my car trailed it a few cars back. I felt overcome with sadness and helplessness, but I just did what I could do: be there for him.
Things between us didn't change much in the first month after. He didn't cry in front of me, nor did he speak about his dad much at all. He acted his usual silly self with me, and I felt it was best if I helped to provide that "escape" for him -he didn't seem to want to discuss things, so I didn't press it. I knew it was probably a guise for the pain he must be feeling inside. Christmas came, and I was disappointed when he did not attend my family's party- in hindsight, I know it was too much for him.
Things pretty much leveled out from there on out. I had doubts fairly often, because he wasn't as attentive as he once was. When I asked him about his feelings for me, I didn't get much in response. It was hard not to feel selfish for getting frustrated. But I told myself that it was his grief, not him personally. I tried to go more on his actions than his words, and he was still contacting me and making plans.
A huge Motley Crue fan, he asked me to go to Las Vegas with him in February. Additionally, we booked a few concerts and plays. These are still planned for this Friday, mid-March, and April.
I'm writing because in the last few weeks, after our amazing trip to Vegas (in which he was uncharacteristically close, affectionate, happy) he's been withdrawing. Little things I've noticed, like being less affectionate in public, decrease in sex, etc. This is a man who texts constantly, to say good morning up until we go to bed. Things changed this past weekend. Sunday, I spent the night at his house. Things seemed fine. He spoke of our plans to see a Broadway show this Friday. I left in the morning, and since then, I haven't heard from him. It is now late Tuesday. I couldn't take it, especially after hearing his voice in the office (he works out in the field as a technician, and radios in) , a few hours ago, I texted him, "I hope you're alive." to which he just replied, "Yup." I didn't say anything else. And neither has he.
While this may sound like I'm overreacting, I am overly cautious about these things and pessimistic, because I don't want to get myself hurt. I'm afraid that this is just the beginning of what may be the inevitable end to our relationship. I've done a lot of reading on grief and its effect on relationships, and I have so much hope that I can ride things out and that we can be closer once again. But another side of me fears this is the beginning of the end. What should I do from here? Wait for him to respond? Any insight is much appreciated.
Thanks for reading. -Liz