ANC1117

Tracy,

Thank you for sharing that poem. My Celene like the saying "vapor in the wind". Your post reminded me of that.

Anthony

This was my second Thanksgiving without Celene. The days leading up to Thanksgiving seemed tougher than last year's. Perhaps last year I was living in a haze being just weeks after she passed. Having several friends and family around on Thanksgiving this year may had made it easier.

Anthony

Kathy,

I am sorry to here of your loss. My parents have been married for over 50 years and there love for each other was a testimony for my marriage to Celene. I too stare at Celene's picture and when I am having a rough day I speak to her, just as I did when she would meet me at home to here me vent. I send out my compassion and support to you during these early days. October 6th is a very special day for me, it is my birthday. Hugs

Anthony

Congrats to you and Bentley. Seeing Bentley's picture reminded me of two Golden's Celene fell in love with at our local market place. When ever we went to browse or buy, she made it a point to stop in and say hi and give kisses. When they were not there, Celene was certain to ask what they were up to and most of the time is was good . From your story of his youth with the stroke patient, Bentley was born to bring comfort and aid to those in need. Give him Celene's love from me.

Anthony

AngelOver22,

I too lost my love, soul mate, best friend, and support system just over a year ago. My Celene passed 3 days prior to her 41st birthday. I still recall those first days, weeks, months and so. I was so fortunate for this group of friends here. We all share in your pain and will be here to help you. I too can understand the family drama and can only tell you that, for me, time made the drama lessen. Take care of yourself in these early days and reach out when you need a shoulder shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. Hugs and understanding.

Anthony

Yes Marty, Thank you so much.

Anthony

Thank you all for your kind words. The following day was a pajama day, then out of town on Monday. I was a bit nervous Saturday night, wondering if I would break down during dinner. I thought if anyone asked what the rose was for, I would have definitely broke down in tears. During dinner I would look at the rose there next to me and every time I would have a pleasant memory of years past and times spent together.

Anthony

Today I celebrated Celene and my wedding anniversary. It was a tough and emotional week leading up to today. A couple of days ago I bought Celene a card and wrote her a message about how much she means to my life. I originally planned to get away to Sedona, a place we went to on several anniversary getaways, although work didn't allow me the time. I then decided to go to our favorite restaurant. I stopped off and picked up a long stem red rose that I laid on the table while at dinner. I ordered Celene's favorite dish and the appetizer we shared. While driving I put on our song and remembered our wedding dance. I visualized how beautiful she looked in her wedding dress and how we laughed at how long our song was. Tonight brought several wonderful memories of our life together. Tomorrow I might be back to the heartaches of missing Celene... for tonight I have happiness in my thoughts.

Anthony

Deborah,

I lost Celene just 3 days before her 41st birthday, they left us way too soon. I agree that this site and Marty's continued support makes us all feel like family. I pray that one day we will all feel the comfort our love one gave us. Till then take care and hugs.

Anthony

As soon as I asked them what was the company name she hung up. I tried calling back and it went to a busy signal. If they call again I will definitely report them.

Anthony

Lina,

Thank you for sharing the picture of Arthur. Not serving myself, I respect and honor all those who do. I love how you speak of your love for Arthur, Celene was the same with me. People who witnessed our love for each other could tell just how much each of us meant to each other. I had to remind them that it was more Celene than I and that I was so blessed to have her in my life. Even when I thought I one-upped her on our love scale, she would remind me that she chased me down to date her. Keep up the great memories.

Anthony

Jan C,

I believe all we can do is to keep going. I read something about how our loved ones would most likely not like it if we stopped moving forward. As Celene and my wedding anniversary is this Saturday, I have been battling emotions and mental numbness. It makes working a bit slow. I am working out of town and if I was home I am sure I would have several pajamas days. In addition, where I am working has several memories of time spent with Celene in the area. I had to take a moment and cry over my frustration with all the feeling I am dealing with. I miss her so much. I will keep going.

Anthony

Miss Ngu,

Your welcome. I am new to this grieving stuff and from what I have read, everyone grieves differently. Your dad's girlfriend may just be a temporary void filler. If it is, he or she will realize whether your dad is ready to share his heart with another. It is great that you can communicate openly enough to know the boundaries. Take care of your heart and love your family.

Anthony

Marty, thank you for the link to "Voices of Experience: Delayed Grief". I find myself longing for the personal time to let my emotions flow. I have so many obligations that I can't find time. I often hear Celene's statement to me: "You need to take of yourself and not always take care of everyone else".

Jan, it has been just over a year since Celene passed and I too at time find myself in denial. I am still so lost, with too many unknowns. I do know that I am no longer the man I was when Celene was my reason for my being. Hugs and comfort going out to you.

Anthony

Spika,

Not sure if you will get my post or if the situation has changed for you. I lost my wife just over a year ago, so I am speaking from the widower side. Around 6 months after Celene passed, I began to long for the companionship that I had with my wife. I began to really miss the conversations, the opposite sex point-of-view, and the affection that was now gone. I struggled with the thought of another women as a replacement for my Celene. I was fortunate to find the support of this site and realized that until my heart was ready to share with another women, it would not be fare to the other person. In addition, I have a daughter that shared her opinion about me trying to replace her mom, although there will never be a replacement. Your mom may just be longing for a friend who can help ease the pain we spouses face when the one who made us whole is gone. If she is not part of a support group or a discussion group like this, you might look at the many resources Marty has on her site. Most of all, this is a tough time for you both and whether it seems like it or not, you are a very important part of her healing as well as yours. Grief has so many levels and they hit us all differently and at different times. Hugs and understanding.

Anthony

The sad part was that it was from the same company that called a week earlier. You would think they would take her name off there list. I have a shortness for incompetent companies as it is, so putting my grief anger on top of it just topped it at the moment.

Anthony

Yesterday I received a call from a solicitor, ask for Celene. My wife passed a little over a year ago and the call brought on a few emotion: the first was anger at the caller and wanting to reach thru the phone and slap her for not doing more research prior to calling; second was the sadness that Celene was not with me to take the call.

Time has made the loss of my wife more bearable but still emotional. As Kayc mentioned, although the left us physically, the live forever in our hearts.

Keep in mind that we are all here for support, especially when other's don't get it. Prayers and hugs.

Anthony

Lina,

I agree with Widower. I have actually stopped socializing with a friend of mine for the simple reason that he kept posing the same question and insisted that I start. Even after several conversations on my feelings and willingness, he just didn't get it, and I am sure many who are not grieving as we are cant get it. We will know when, if ever, we wish date.

Anthony

Bugsy and Bear share the bed with me sometimes too. Bugsy was Celene's "baby" and spent many of nights between us. He does sometimes leave my side throughout the night to stay with Ciara. Must be the snoring thing...

Anthony

This may sound wrong to some, I do some traveling for my work so I took Celene's tooth brush and placed it in my travel bag. I plan to use it till it looses its effectiveness and then put it in the medicine cabinet next to mine.

Anthony

Marty,

Thank you for this article. I have not read, or wrote, any poetry since my high school literature classes. I wish to begin writing a some poetry for Celene in my journal I keep for her. I am not sure how to begin. Perhaps reading some of the poetry noted would be a good start; to get the poetic juices flowing. I will check out the app as a start too.

Anthony

Mary,

I can relate to the sobbing when we think of the loss of touch from our love ones. You and Bill sound very much like Celene and I (with exception to the monastery ). I remember a friend telling me how he saw Celene and I once at the store just holding hands and pushing a cart together. He explained how he could tell how very much we loved each other. I often see the "body pillows" and wonder if having one would help me sleep at night. Then I think how it most likely wouldn't due to the lack of Celene's: smell, touch, body warmth, and not to forget the occasional elbow to the ribs when I snored too loud . Air hugs to you... Also, I enjoy hugs myself and agree that the 20 seconds could be much longer.

Anthony

It is good to here that people return and keep in touch. My prayers go out to all in Greece. It is a pleasure to meet you here.

Anthony

Harry,

Sorry to here of the losses. I can recall my father going into the hospital a few months after Celene passed and thought to myself how and if I could handle another death close to me. It has been just over a year since Celene died and I have not removed her things. I even dust off the necklace she left hanging in our bathroom. Some days I see her clothes, or her makeup, and cry, thinking how packed things up may make it easier. I know someday I will when the time is right. For now I am taking little steps as needed. You are taking those painful steps when you feel strong enough to take them.

Anthony

As a man in his late 40s, I have come to miss both the sex and intimacy. Marty, I am glad that you shared the blog with us. I found that several of the replies to be helpful with what I myself struggle with. I did notice how several spoke in regards to the intimacy side and I will agree that I too miss that part of my relationship with Celene the most.

Not sure if it is in my blood (being Italian... ) or just male DNA, I struggle with the lack of sex. Now I don't want to turn this into a post that should be rated "mature audiences only" so I will just refer to one of the blog responses about the guilt. It was about 5 months after Celene died that I began to have the urge for the missed sexual part of our relationship. I continue to have those urges, (not to make Celene out in a disgraceful way) our sexuality was very active. I can recall telling a close friend how it was like going from all to nothing overnight. The part that keeps me from moving on to another partner, or "friend with benefits" (as noted from a blog reply) is the thought that I would be in some way cheating on Celene. That what we had should never be broken by another person. Even self gratification makes me feel shamed and guilty. I am not sure if this will pass with time, I do know that it is a struggle I deal with often. It is like the old Animal House movie, where a devil sits on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

Anthony