ohsosad

Karen,

I had cataract surgery on 1/20 and my eye is still blurry.  Two post-op checks were "fine."  Last week I complained about it and the dr. said it's "inflamed" and prescribed another drop that contains prednisone.  Wants to see me tomorrow.  There's been no improvement with the new drops.  I'm quite upset.  Everyone I've talked to about cataract surgery has said their eye cleared up in a few days.

Having felt a post I wrote awhile back was found to be offensive by a member, I just read now and stay mute.

Recently I read something about finding a balance in one's mind of what was good and what was not so good in a past relationship.  The idea was that remembering only the good can make it harder to come to terms with the loss.  And they used a term for finding this balance.  Marty, are there any articles you could suggest on this topic?

Kay, I think you found the source. 

I wasn't saying the author had any insight that grieving lasts a magical seven years.  Of course it's different for each person. 

From Martha Whitmore Hickman's Healing After Loss - Meditations - for today, July 2nd - "Someone once said it takes seven years to adjust to the loss of someone close.  So there's no need to apologize if after many months we are still finding grief a major preoccupation.  And there is nothing to be ashamed of if a particularly poignant moment reduces us to tears a very long time after our loved one has died."  This is reassuring.  Marty, do you know who the "someone" is who once said it takes seven years?

"Acceptance sounds like a passive stance, but it's become the hardest work of my life."  Written by a woman who died of ALS days later.

The ads on tv and on the radio -- the cards and Valentine's Day gifts in stores -- they're everywhere and will be for another two weeks.  Really hard to deal with it.

Kay,

Can't Arlie come back to you?

Rita

fae -

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I'm doing alot of crying. Still feel like I haven't made any progress in the past six long, lonely months. I had 4 sessions with a grief counselor but I don't think I'll go back. He keeps wanting me to talk about any previous losses in my life (parents, pets, etc.) and how I handled them. I tell him I handled them fine and they were n-o-t-h-i-n-g like what losing my life partner is like!!! We keep going over this again and again, so at this point I feel like he's not helping me. I tried 2 different groups and just sobbed and sobbed through the meetings, saying nothing, and they left me feeling horrible. I've been reading Joyce Brothers' book about becoming a widow which she wrote 18 months after his husband died. She describes her intense grief in the early months very well and I can relate to what she wrote. But after she passed the one-year mark, she started thinking alot about finding a new partner and getting married. That's where our paths part.

Much of my reading materials relate to the hope of an afterlife which I want to believe in but have doubts. The doubts just bring me down further.

I'm so sad Steve's life was shortened. His parents both lived to be 88. Why did he have to leave? And now I'm alone.

Ok, I'm rambling. Thank you for asking about me.

Rita

Thank you, Kay. I had started out with "members" instead of "forums."

You described it perfectly.

Thanks again,

Rita

Kay,

Could you explain that again about how to read old posts of people? I tried but failed.

Rita

Don't go out shoveling!

When VP Biden spoke at the police officer's funeral yesterday in NYC, he gently referred to his own loss by saying to the family, I have some experience with this (pain). He certainly knows what they are going through. His young wife and child died in a car accident years ago.

R

Arlie will work off those extra calories with his lab buddy.

Rita

Fae,

Thank you for your words of comfort and wisdom. It does seem like this excruciating pain will never let up.

Rita

I dog-sat my friend's aussie in October and immediately put her on a diet. Her mom was in denial about how heavy she was. At just 2 years old it was not good for her to be carrying around so much weight. Thankfully my friend saw the light and the dog has lost 9 lbs since then.

I can't imagine how you can walk a 130 lb dog. My dog is 100 lbs and when he wants to go in a certain direction, there is no discussion about it.

I worried afterwards that I offended you. Please don't tell Arlie that I questioned his size.......It could have just been the angle of the photo!!!!

Rita

Steve and I used to enjoy watching old movies together. I have avoided them since he died. I can't imagine watching them alone.

I always thought of myself as one who loved alone-time. Enjoyed it when Steve took trips. It gave me a chance to do things I never had time for when we were together.

Now I have all the time in the world. Suddenly alone-time is no longer so great.

I'm grateful Christmas is over, but the thought of all the hoopla to come next Wednesday/Thursday for the "wonderful" new year is another thing to wish away. 2015 will be the first full year without him.

Rita

Arlie is beautiful - and big!!! Does he need to join you in dieting? LOL! Don't get mad!! Just trying to give you a chuckle which you no doubt need! Hope you are doing better as each day goes by.

Rita

Too soon for me to think of the happy past Christmases........Miss him so much......

Rita

Good thing you can post here. Imagine how worse it would be without a computer. Yikes. Is your tv back?

I am also alone today, Christmas, which is hard. I do have my two dogs (hence, not "alone" - they are better than humans, frankly), and my friend who was going to her mother's for dinner brought her 2 dogs over to be with mine, so I have the four of them, all of whom are sound asleep.

Rita

Kay,

I should probably know this by now but what kind of dog do you have?

Rita

Kay,

Just sending good wishes. Will be thinking of you next week.

Rita

He must be exhausted.

Rita

The Christmas cards are coming. -- Some addressed to both of us from people who don't know, other addressed just to me with no note inside - as if things are just normal. Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Then there was the one from my cousin with her annual newsletter about all the wonderful things her four children and seven grandchildren did this year - on and on and on about them - and how she and her husband are doing great. I couldn't even read it - just tore it up and tossed it.

Rita