daveithai

Thank you very much for all the heartwarming messages. To Miss Anne, Miss Marty, Miss Mary, Miss KayC and Miss Sharirouse. I am truly blessed to meet each one of you here. I have started reading the links that you all have provided and I am grateful for all your advises. I also started to continue writing on a blog, I started it last June 2014, the time I received the news that my dad had vascular tumor on his brain. It was the first time my family received the news. So me and my mom hurriedly went to my home country and stayed with him for a month and we spent his birthday last July 8th. Me and my mom currently working in one of the hospital here in Saudi Arabia. The first day of our workday starts at Sunday. So today is the first day that I met most of my colleagues and some friends. It is difficult for me to interact with them because I get teary eyed but then I can see compassion in their eyes. I now know from you guys that these are all normal. I am trying my best to interact with some friends and not to isolate myself. I am processing my papers right now so I can go home to my country at the end of this week. I will continue reading topics and discussions on this site and I will continue interacting with you guys and will search for some other people like me here. Thank you once again.

Hi to all, I was searching the internet today for forums or discussion group that can help me in my grieving process. I talked to some close friends here, but sometimes I have the feeling that they could not relate to me...so I decided to search over the internet for persons who have experienced the same loss that I had and that they may be able to help me with it. As you see, my dad died 4 days ago, it was the 6th of October. I am very close with my dad.... I am currently working in another country, together with my mom. Let me share to you a little bit of my Dad. He was diagnosed of VHL last June 2014. He had his left kidney removed almost 10 years ago, because there was a mass and had metastasized in the nearby spleen...the kidney was removed and all the lymph nodes there...he has no complaints after the surgery....later on after a couple of years however there was a mass on his right eye. My dad was too afraid to undergo surgery because of his heart conditions, then last June 2014 he was admitted to the hospital, he has problems with his balance and gait and seems lethargic. A CT scan was given and the doctors found out that there are tumors on his brain. I still remember the time, my younger brother called me over the phone telling me about my dad's situation. I was crying at work. Then on that same month, me and my mom had requested for a vacation (she was working in another hospital and so am I). We went home.... all those 30 days were spent with my dad, going to the doctors and going to places he wanted to go. We even made a surprise birthday party for him last July 8th. He was really happy that time. I went back to work after 30 days, leaving my dad to the care of my older sister. So is my mom 15 days later. We usually talked to my dad over Skype, but there are times that his memory is fading but he is still my good old dad...He is usually joking or make a funny story to my mom Then this 1st week of October we have our Hajj Holiday for 5 days and me and my mom went to Dubai for a vacation. We received a call from my sister on the 4th of October that my dad was taken to the hospital, he was already unresponsive. His vital signs started to deteriorate. On the 5th of October, my sister called me and told me to talk to my dad. It was really a struggle for me. I could not control my tears while talking to him,...all I know that he can still hear me, even though he could not reply back....I told my dad that I will go to my country next week. Then on the 6th of October, we received a call early morning that he was already gone. It was really difficult to accept the fact that he was gone. I know that he had this disease and that any time he will be taken away from us. My dad died of an Acute Subarachnoid hemorrhage, there was a brain aneurysm due to the pressure of the tumor to his brain (as what the doctor had explained to my brother). Now, I am totally lost. I do not even know how to console my mom. I have all this thought in my head and I do not know what to do with it. I cry all of a sudden and be normal at times. Most of my friends here are not from the same nationality that I have....I talked to them at times but there is an urge for me to isolate myself (I do not know if this is normal or this is the right way to do?)....some of them wanted to talked to me over the phone but I do not have the guts to talked to them over the phone because I know that I will broke down...I had done it twice and I was crying all over....to some friends, I was just talking to them via Whatsapp....now I will be having my duty this coming Sunday and honestly I dread meeting a lot of people..... I will also be processing my papers so I can go home by Thursday next week (I hope everything runs smoothly with it) I requested for a 15 days leave and my Boss approved this leave. I do hope that some of you here might be able to shed some light on me....if what my behavior now is normal? I really miss my dad and the loss that I experienced had resulted to an emptiness in my heart....I have some questions in my mind....I do hope that you can share to me your guided advice.... why is it that I have this feeling of running away? that the only place that I feel secure is my home, which is a thousand miles away..... why is it that I feel that I need to look for something and I do not know what it is or I do not know what I am looking for?..... why is it that I have the urged to isolate myself to my friends and sometimes I feel that I am a burden to them? and I really dread them Questioning me "How are you?" because I know that I am not OK.....these are just some questions hanging on my head.... Thank you once again for this group and that I was lucky enough to find this site. I do hope that you can help me...I am totally lost and confused