Thank you. I understand. The grief counselor I saw made me understand that I need to do what I can to sheild myself from as much stress as I can and get a lot of quiet, stable time, to let myself heal. My friend asked me directly if she could talk about our sick friend. I felt selfish when I had the thought of telling her no. Having been in the position of needing many talks recently, I didn't want to tell someone else "no". I told my grief counselor that I was worried about becoming self centered during this process, but he reassured me that I would come out of it. He said to give myself at least a year of taking care of myself as a priority. So, worse comes to worse, next August rolls around and I used that as a flag to stop being selfish. I have told people "no" with much more minor issues. I think with my friend it might just be a few short calls and I am hoping by helping her, I might help myself a bit. I decided to be honest with her. If I don't have answers I will not put up a brave front and I will heartily encourage her to check out hospice resources in her area. Thanks for all of the resources. I feel very hopeful that I will get some good stuff out of all of it. There are just so MANY books on Amazon and so many articles on the Internet. It is good to know which ones to start with. I heard about two more deaths today too, so I can use all of the information I can get. I am going to try to give myself quiet time again this weekend by staying in and reading. I feel so lucky to have found this board. Thank you. You've asked for some specific advice, and I think you'd be wise to do a bit of reading so you'll have a better understanding of what is normal in grief and what is meant by anticipatory grief and mourning. Toward that end, I'd like to point you to some resources that may help. There is a great deal of information "out there," but the following articles may serve to narrow down your search: Anticipatory Grief and Mourning Anticipatory Grief and Mourning: Suggested Resources What to Say to the Dying: A Hospice Chaplain Offers Some Insight 7 Things You Can Do When Someone You Love Has Cancer 44 Ways to Make the Day of Someone Who Has Cancer 8 Ways to Better Support Someone Who Has Cancer As for helping your friend Cathy, you may find this article useful: Helping Another in Grief