I need to share some terribly sad news with you, so If this turns out to be a little bit long, I apologize in advance. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to say or write, and I hope and pray that none of you ever have to experience this level of pain,.
On December 14th, I lost my soul mate, and the true love of my life, Robyn. When I woke up with her by my side, I noticed that something was very wrong. When I felt her and realized that Robyn had passed away, my whole world came crashing down. She was just 40 years old. The agonizing shock has still not even begun to ease up, but as hard as this is to write, today is a very important day: Today is our Anniversary.
Two years ago today, I was captivated by the most incredible woman that I have ever met in my 40+ years. One look from those beautiful green eyes and I would melt. When she flashed that gorgeous smile and I heard that amazing laugh or her playful chuckle, it would lighten up even the dreariest of days for me.
Robyn was a saint (especially for putting up with me!) Right from the start, we were both on that "wavelength" where two minds become one, and we could complete each others sentences to the point that it was kind of frightening at first. We both knew there was something different from the first day we met and sat and talked for 8 straight hours! We both even said (at the same time) that we somehow knew each other for years from somewhere. "Soul mate" is no longer a cliché if you are lucky enough to actually find yours. I know this now because I found mine.
The picture I posted here with the heart is something she did for me the week before she passed. This shows you just how sweet a person she was and the depth of her heart. Robyn put her heart into everything she did, until it was perfect. I know how she would re-do something from scratch until it was done right. That’s what makes this a treasure to me, along with her beautiful and thoughtful cards she often gave me. I always carried them with me to remind me of just how lucky a fella I was, and they will be with me always.
With the complete agony of her passing, I could not bear the literally gut-wrenching pain of seeing the love of my life eulogized and laid to rest. The finality of it all was too much to bear, and I know in my heart that she "gets it". I want to remember the Robyn who was so full of life, love, and so giving to everyone. The Robyn who was so strong and so driven, yet she was REAL enough to apologize if she knew she was wrong about something. Some guys joke around about how women never apologize when they are wrong. I, too, was often guilty of that, until I met Robyn and saw the most REAL person I’ve ever encountered in my 40+ years. She stood her ground for me in situations when I really needed her, and she always had my back. Another gift was her way of looking at things and she taught me to never judge a book by its cover. Take everyone for who they are as a human being.
There was so much we had planned together. We were planning to start apartment shopping this spring and to move in together. We also both knew a ring was obviously in the equation sometime in the near future. Robyn had such amazing maternal instincts. She treated my son with such love and respect, and he really loved Robyn! She would have made the greatest step-mom, as well as an amazing Mom, if decided on having kids along our future path together. Always so giving and thoughtful, Robyn gave him a 2014 and 2015 membership for the Mets kids club, and he was so excited about being able to go onto the field this season. He kept asking me to make sure Robyn would be joining us at the games and on the field.
I have not and cannot tell my son that she is gone at his age, so the ongoing and inevitable requests from him to talk to Robyn will kill me a little more each day. He always asked to talk with her or see her. Robyn could discuss anything and everything, and she loved talking about our beloved, yet hapless, Mets with him. She even talked to him about football and the players, as he recently started collecting sports cards. She was a sharp cookie…the type of girl that you could hang with and be 100% yourself.
I am heartbroken. It just cannot be possible. I would give myself if it would bring her back. All I can do now is just ask "Why?” and cherish her in my prayers and thoughts every day, and keep her memories and remember what kind of person she was. I plan to honor her by keeping up the things she enjoyed in life. A perfect example was when she was first battling the painful combo of Raynauds and Erythromelalgia flare ups this summer and we were running to all kinds of Doctors before her dual diagnosis. As a way to relax her, I don’t know how it happened, but we started collecting coins together. She loved it. She was passionate about it and we enjoyed it together and we even got my son involved. It’s something that I will continue with my son in her honor, and I will always smile when I think about her holding the magnifying glass and yelling “YAY, COINS!!”
Baby, I miss you. I wish you didn’t have to leave me so soon. You truly are and will always be the most “beautiful lady”, both inside and out. I remember the first few times I called you “Beautiful”. You told me your Dad used to call you that all the time, and you said it was crazy I was saying it the same way. It wasn’t crazy. The word “Beautiful” had to have been created for you! It’s the most fitting word to describe you. As a side thing of ours that only you would understand; the "Blind Octopus" will always be in town for me. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I hope and pray you are now reunited with your Dad, who I know you missed dearly since he passed. My love, we will meet again, I promise you. You know how I roll and you know how I hustle, and the right folks will be greased to cut the line once I get there. Nothing will hold me back from you! I thank God for letting our paths cross and letting our souls (re)connect, which they will again, over and over.
I read something a while back that really clicked in me:
"Love the People God Gave You. One day, he's gonna need them back."
We both lived by that mindset, so we made sure we had hugged tightly and told each other that we loved each other every single day.
Friends and Family, please hold your loved ones close and cherish them every day.
As for me, my life was ripped away from me.