Hi everyone
Though I am a therapist myself (LCSW) and have assisted clients with processing their grief, it doesn't mean I have all the answers when it comes to my own grief. Oh I know the words and the steps and all that, but it doesn't mean I process everything on my own.
My father died in January. He was 94. He was sharp and could tell stories with the best of them. He had not lost a step mentally and well, I guess I had gotten to the point where I thought he would make it to 100. My dad was never sick, and was typical of "The Greatest Generation"--never complained about things, just did what he needed to do, did it well and always with integrity and honesty. He was a great dad--supportive and proud of us.
I had just returned home, after visiting my family for Christmas. A few days later I was on my way back because my father had a catastrophic stroke. Almost a third of his brain was affected. Unfortunately, it was the parts that control speech/language, movement and swallowing. Because he couldn't swallow, he couldnt eat. He couldnt communicate very well--we could kind of tell what he was trying to say by his mannerisms, but nobody else could, as he couldnt speak. His life would be laying in bed, fed by a tube, waiting for strangers to turn him or change him. He would have had no quality of life. He would have loathed that. Just loathed it. So we made the decision for palliative care and Dad entered hospice. The hospice folks were wonderful and I cant say enough good about the help we received from them. He passed peacefully with all of us at his side.
Which leads me to where I am now. My mom is devastated. She is elderly as well and has memory problems--and it quickly became obvious that Dad has been covering for her deficits (typical of people who have been married for 50+ years). Mom has lost her whole lifestyle--she has no friends because they moved to be near my sister just two years ago, leaving all their friends hours away. Mom has long had her own issues with depression (hello, there is a reason I am a therapist!) and is pretty much unable to cope. She is currently staying with my sister because neither of us feel mom is safe alone at this time. My sister is stressed out and having difficulty dealing with mom's consuming grief.
As far as I can tell, my grief symptoms are normal--I'm exhausted, sad at times and cry unexpectedly when I see/hear anything that has the slightest link to Dad--WWII, big band music, a bottle of scotch but on top of that, I worry about mom. We also need to deal with where mom will live or if she will have a caregiver, and I know *that* will not be pretty. She will be against everything. Ugh. I feel exhausted by all of it.
Anyway, I am open to ideas and advice and anything else anyone has to say...
Thanks
