Hello.
I don't really know what I'm doing here or what I'm looking to gain from this site.
Ten months ago my almost father in law died. Two weeks later my dad died. Two days later my mom died. A month after that my aunt died.
My dad had a heart stuck in Walgreens and died on the spot.
I was my mothers caretaker; her and my were not together and hadn't been since I was a child. My aunt was her caretaker when I was at work but she was sick as well so I kinda took care of them both.
My mom had COPD. She died because the transitional care unit I placed her in neglected her - 24 hours after she arrived there. She was left Alone covered in her own feces and urine. She has called me - I still have the voicemail and asked me to call her. Said it was very important. I honestly don't remember if I actually spoke to her on the phone that day. I was looking at apartments with my fiancé because I wanted to put her in a permanent housing program as it was getting too hard to care for her.
The night before she died, my fiancé and I were hanging out in her TCU room, laughing and sharing stories about my dad. She was being funny and it was a nice visit. She was mad I didn't bring the dog up there. I had forgotten her Bipap, supposedly they didn't have one there but she told me she'd be fine for one night and not to worry about it.
You see, she was bed ridden, unable to use the bathroom on her own, Bipap dependent and completely unable to fend for herself. We were arguing because she waned to continue living with me and I wanted to live with my fiancé (then boyfriend). She was in ICU the day my dad died because the regular units of the hospital wouldn't accept a bill dependent patient. Nonetheless, as much as she fought it, I sent her to a TCU to get "stronger" and so I could Grieve for my father.
When I arrived at the TCU the next day, jimmy johns and Bipap in hand,it was like a different person. Her pupils were the size of saucers. Her hair was sticking up like Einstein's. Her hospital gown was half off and her breath were exposed. Her breakfast tray was sitting there, untouched.
I told her we were going back to the hospital. She said "noooo". I immediately put her Bipap on her. She was a Co2 retainer so I thought her gases had spiked. Almost instantaneously, her eyes rolled back and she vomited in her mask. I hesitated for a couple seconds before getting the mask off of her. I sent my Fiance To get help so they could do the suction probe and remove all the vomit.
He came back minutes later Saying the nurse wouldn't get off the phone. I ran down the hall to get the nurse - thinking my bf didn't explain the severity of the situation. She put her hand in my face and told me she was one the phone.
I called 911. They tranported her to the hospital - lights and sirens and I broke every traffic law following behind them. I called my whole family on the way there.
At the hospital, she began to stabilize. They decided to clean her up as she was still laying is excrement. When they rolled her over to wash her and the vomit moved into her lungs. She died a few moments later of accute onset phenomena.
I didn't bring the dog. She didn't get to say goodbye to him. I wish I would've went home and got bipap for her. I wish I could change everything!
I buried my father that Friday and my mother that Sunday.
A month later - I buried my aunt. Her son Was taking care of her. There were militating circumstances but she died of prescription pill overdose when her son was hunting. I was supposed to check in on her but I didn't. I had forgotten. We had spoke about it 2-3 weeks before but they didn't remind me and I was so wrapped up in my own grief.
The rest of my family doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't have brothers or sisters and wasn't close at all with my dads family. I thought I was close with my moms family but now I realize the only things I ever talked to them about was my mom...
I am 28 and completely alone. The grief is getting better but i have crying spells and residual guilt. I think the crying spells and depression bought are bothering my fiancé.
I am getting married but I have no family to invite / walk me down the aisle. The thought of being so alone on what should be the happiest day of my life makes me not want to proceed.
