My mother died on April 10, 2015 and while I'm a little better, I feel like I have a really long road ahead of me. I have all the classic grief symptoms: weight gain, increased alcohol use, trouble concentrating at work, trouble sleeping, difficulty finding the joy in life, crying at the drop of a hat, etc... It's been a tremendous struggle. As I begin this topic, I realize there are so many issues going on, I don't even know where to begin. First, I'm frustrated about the circumstances surrounding my Mom's death. She died from the radiation treatments, not from the lung cancer she was diagnosed with. Her death certificate actually says she died from "radiation pneumotitis" (sp?), but her radiation oncologist never stopped by the hospital during the six weeks she was in there dying from her treatments. I feel like they killed her with their drugs and treatments and there are no consequences for them; they just get paid a lot of money. I've read a lot of literature during the past six weeks about how there is a higher incidence of cancer treatments killing patients versus the cancer itself. Yes, I'm playing the "bargaining" game. What if we'd gone with a natural cancer treatment? What if we'd gotten a second opinion? I was the one who took my Mom to all her doctors' appointments when she was diagnosed with cancer and I'm the one who weeded through all the medical jargon to help her understand the suggested treatments. Of course, I feel guilty for leading her down the path that ultimately led to her death. Why didn't I question the treatments more? Why didn't I do more research on the ineffectiveness of chemo and radiation? She might still be here today ...