Hello I just found this forum yesterday......I know the internet is not really the place to find answers or peace but I just don't know what to do. My beautiful mother passed away on 16th July 2015......see, I can type the words, but still don't believe them! Please bear with me, this is a long story. My mum was the victim of a domestic assault four years ago, during which she sustained horrific head injuries and very severe brain damage. She went from an energetic, fiercely independent, fun carefree lady to a completely dependent person, paralysed and tube fed overnight. It was the darkest time, she was not expected to survive, but my mothers strength proved everyone wrong. She retained her wonderful sense of humour and beautiful nature, but needed 24 hour specialist care. The man responsible went to prison. After almost a year in a brain injury unit, we were told there was no further progress expected for Mum....she remained totally dependant and very confused, paralysed, and we were advised to look for suitable nursing homes. Mum was 64 at this time, placing her in a home filled with people 20 years her senior was extremely difficult for us. We chose one with a good reputation, five minutes from my home, so that I could visit I daily. She has very slowly and gradually deteriorated, which we were told to expect, and following a stroke last October, which robbed her of her beautiful voice, had been totally bed bound. She began deteriorating very rapidly on 10th July, vomiting, laboured breathing, and was seen daily by a GP. On 16th July at 12.10am I received the phone call I never wanted, I had left her side four hours previously, she had died in her sleep. I felt like I had been shot in the stomach. This is enough, this is more than enough to cope with. We were then informed as the cause of death could not be ascertained, Mum would need a post-mortem, devastating news for us. The results that came back have left us reeling.......Mum, paralysed and completely reliant on staff to move her, had a broken hip.....sustained approximately 6 days prior to her death. The police are investigating the home now, and taking statements from staff, but word from the coroner indicates to us that the "severe break" is indicating impact from height. In other words, someone has dropped her while attending to her, and knowing Mum was unable to communicate, has just put her back into bed, not told anyone, and left her to die in agony from the pulmonary embolism the fractured hip caused. I am beyond angry.....but the worst thing is the disbelief......I still can't believe I will never see Mum again, I just can't accept it. I haven't and can't cry.....I think the anger is stopping the grief....can that happen? I feel like I am in a glass box, away and untouched by everyone and everything else that is happening. I am totally consumed by my mums last days and can think of nothing else but still can't cry. I feel like I have a lead box in my chest. I can say Mum died but I can't feel it.....what's wrong with me? How can I ever believe what has happened, how can I ever come to terms with it?