I'm new here so I apologise if this is a little rambling...My dad died in March of a heart attack. He was only 60. My mother was away on holiday and I, only living 30 minutes away, was trying to keep an eye on him. He called me in the evening and sounded a bit breathless, but assured me that he just had flu and wanted to go to bed. I offered countless times to come back and take care of him, but he insisted that he was ok. That was the last conversation I had with him.
I went round the next morning to check on him and found his body on the floor.
I don't really know how to deal with this, even after ten months. I barely remember last year. I think I've been in a state of complete shock. I am in therapy because I have terrible flashbacks to finding him, but I feel like things are just getting worse. I feel so guilty all the time, like if I'd just gone to check on him I could have saved him. Is this normal? I thought that things might get better, but all that seems to have happened is that I am better at pretending I'm ok. I don't want to worry my family with this. I just miss him so much. He was my best friend. I really wish I could find a way to speak to him, to tell him how sorry I am that this happened.