Ultravox70

Thank you for the reply. I understand that it begins with myself, but that is a difficult thing to do. I judge myself on what my wife would say to me now, and I don't like the answer. I do not have family at all. I have friends who have been supportive of me.

I just lost my wife of 14 years to a long battle with cancer. I am burdened by extreme guilt. I left her for another woman while my wife was in stage 3 cancer. The treatments, fights with her family, and a career became to be too much to me. She recovered and was in phenomenal shape. We were separated and I was with the other woman (who didnt know I was married). She then got stage 4 cancer after about 10 months. I left my girlfriend to care for her as her family had abandoned her. I cared for her about 5 months, taking care of her at my own and then visiting her in the hospital while she was recovering from double ostomy surgery. We then got a joint divorce but it never went through. My wife passed away at her family's residence (they had taken her back). I got back together with my girlfriend but she had gotten a heart condition after finding out about everything. She and my wife were communicating with one another and it was nasty all around. We are working things out currently. She is all I have, now. The last time I saw my wife was when she and some family members came to take her belongings from my house. We didn't say a word to each other. Even my dogs are gone, one to cancer and the other put down at a shelter. I wish I had done more. I wished I had stayed faithful and just cared for her more. I wished I had been able to hug her one last time. I wished I had been a better husband. I think I exacerbated her illness. If I hadn't strayed she would still be here. If only you knew the attachment she had for me. ** This is an extremely abridged version of events that had transpired over a period of 15 months or so.