Lisaba1

kayc ... I am so sorry to hear about your husband passing. Thank you for your generosity of spirit in sharing so much of yourself. I find that a beautiful thing. In fact, that's one thing I've learned throughout Mom's illness and death - how wonderful people can be.

Kayc, you asked how things are between my husband and me. We're actually doing pretty well. he is also very sad about Mom. They were close, and had a great relationship. He is being very sweet, and I am trying to remember that he needs support as well. Lisa

Clematis, thank you very much for sharing your experience with me. I am very sorry for your loss. I can relate to the advice of being careful. I have been extra fumbly and forgetful of late. I just sat down and made a short list of things to do so that I accomplish something every day. Otherwise I know I will fall into a dangerous funk. My boss has been so kind throughout and is giving me until June 1st to come back to work. I miss work, but I have so much to both get done and to recover mentally and physically. As you said, my everything was put on hold the minute we heard she had cancer. I scheduled my mammogram for next week that is about six months overdue. Lol that your cat won't make you dinner. It's funny my dog is 10 years old, a golden retriever, and she loved mom and had a routine with her. Penny hasn't left my side since mom passed. It's amazing how much animals enrich our world. I will keep visiting. Thank you all so very much. Lisa

Marty, thank you very much for the link. I will dive in and begin to learn.

Hello all, My mom died on 4/16. Her funeral was on 4/20. Mom lived with us (my husband and three kids, 23, 20 and 15) for eight years. We built an addition and we were very comfortable living together. In early December 2015 we found out Mom had small cell lung cancer and she went right into treatment. After three rounds in February, Mom decided hospice was what she wanted so that's what we did. We had a relatively positive experience with hospice, thankfully. I started working part-time in December to help work around her treatment schedule and when I saw her weakening and felt the need to be home more, i took a complete leave of absence in early March. Best decision I ever made because I got several really good weeks with her. We all spent tons of time with her. I spent a lot of time on the internet researching end of life issues so I would have an idea of what to expect. She took a turn on 4/6 and went downhill from there. i have siblings but everything fell in my lap. My sister lives out of state and my brother helped when he could. But I had the impression that they got to be away from the issue of mom dying when they weren't with her whereas it was a constant worry since she began with symptoms in October/November. For six months I entered the house through her front door instead of mine to check on her. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry and kept her company every night, not to mention coordinating appointments prior to hospice and then all the hospice stuff. The stress of the constant worry has taken a toll. And now it's suddenly over. I'm a doer. I don't often take time to analyze my emotions. I am keeping busy as I can. The household had gotten into disarray since we were so focused on Mom so I've got a long task list, not to mention thank you notes and doing executrix work and cleaning Mom's closets, etc. we are beginning to use her space as a family room and it's helped mitigate some of the very heavy energy which was in her rooms the last week of her life. I think I did all for Mom that I could and I'm grateful that I had that time with her. It's irreplaceable and an honor. I just don't know what to do with myself now. How I'm supposed to feel. I cry a few times a day when something strikes me. I think everything feels so very poignant because of her living and dying while living with us. I guess somehow I dont know how to turn inward and get in touch with the emotions that I've suppressed for six months so that I could concentrate on her and present a positive light to her and our kids. I guess I don't know HOW to mourn. HOW to grieve. How to help myself really. I am not planning on going back to work until June. I'm sleeping when I can although insomnia is an ongoing issue of mine. During the last week of moms life prior to her getting a catheter I was sleeping with her downstairs and was up every couple of hours helping her to the commode. After she was bed ridden I was still up often giving her meds and checking on her and talking to her. I had an active day gardening today. I'm thinking I need to honor my body and what I've been through and take it one day at a time to heal, but if there is something else I could be doing I'd love to hear any advice. I am going to the beach tomorrow with two of my good girlfriends so maybe talking with them will help. I haven't talked any of this out with anyone yet. It's so fresh. Thsnk you for reading.