cherub

 one morning i woke up and my 15 year old boston had a golf ball sized black growth on the side of his nose (not in his nose- it was on his muzzle). it popped up over night. It scared me because it had grown so fast. it wasnt there the day before. I made an appointment to have him put to sleep that day. I didnt want him to suffer from it. He also had arthritis real bad and could hardly stand some days & was going blind. But, I was in shock & numb when i brought him in to get PTS and didnt think about asking the vet to look at it. (i wasnt thinking, I was so numb, it was like i was out of my body ) He didnt ask me why i was putting him to sleep. I doubt he saw the growth, he didnt look at his face. He just gave him the shot. Is there a possibility it was cancer? It grew real large over night. And when i touched it, it felt a little rough (it was hairless) and he rubbed it against my finger like it was itchy. So i know it was itching him. I cant stand the thought that i put him to sleep for nothing. It's killing me and i want to die! I feel so guilty! I know you cant tell without a biopsy, but does it at least sound like cancer? I tried to make an appointment to talk to the vet, the first 2 calls were not returned and then he told the receptionist to tell me I need professional help. He wouldnt talk to me!  I know without a biopsy, no one can tell, but can you help relieve my mind and say that it sounds like it was cancer?  I failed my baby by not thinking straight when it was so important which caused his death!  This happened in 2014 and im still suffering from guilt.  Can you see why i have such guilt? I KNOW i killed my baby for nothing!  I cant believe I did that.  I can NEVER forgive myself!  Thanks, so much!.