There's just a lot of pain that accompanies the disease of alcoholism. Even though it's your mother and you love her it still really is jails, institutions or death. My father in law is about 48 hours from death from the same disease. Your feelings seem extremely normal to me as your whole being was preparing for her death even if it didn't happen. Get some kind of help as you don't want to end up with an addiction due to the stress of this situation. God bless you.