My Dad passed away suddenly the day after he turned 65 3 weeks ago. He had just retired this February and was only just starting to feel good about it. I don't know how to handle this at all. I'm sick everyday. I can't sleep and any short amount that I can get is full of horrible nightmares about my Dad dying in so many different awful ways. I think of nothing else all day and night. I don't know how to live without him in this world. I feel so much hate and sadness it has completely taken over my life. I have shut out everyone I know other than my Mom and husband. I feel like I hate everyone because they have just moved on with their lives like my Dad never existed. I feel like everyone should be suffering as much as I am. This is not me. I'm turning into this angry, sad monster. But I don't know how not to. My heart feels like it's gone and most of the time I'm so overcome with so much panic and anxiety I can't breathe. My Mom is not doing well at all. My Dad was her entire world. I am so scared for her and I don't know how to make this better for her...even in the smallest way. I live 4 hours away from her so 3 days a week I have to leave her to see my husband and to work but I'm with her the rest of the week. But I am so terrified of getting another phone call that my Mom is gone too and that I will lose her. I obsess over this every minute of the day and all I want is to be with her always. When my Dad died I was in the final stage of buying my first house and it's a done deal. He was supposed to come up in a couple weeks to help with some things. He was so excited to see my first house. Now he never will. I hate the house. How can I live somewhere my Dad will never be? I don't know how to live with this pain and fear and anger. How do you go on?
