gdragon33

On 2/26/2017 at 8:16 PM, Numb and Lost said:

I am like you I ask futile questions, and I haven't stopped since he died. In my head I know we all experience death and no one gets out alive but in my heart I just want to know why this happened to me as if I am a lonely victim. I ask why I had to meet him at all. My life had plenty of trials as it was much less meeting and falling in love with him and then losing him to death. I feel trapped too. I feel like I get up every day just trying to make it to the next somehow, but I am absolutely miserable. I feel guilty for feeling miserable because I do have blessings, but yet I don't want to do anything but lay around. I mostly look on my phone at Facebook. I search all the pictures he liked, and commented on. You can search "photos liked by" and they all pop up. It lets me see what he was looking at days before he died and makes him feel alive to me again. It just feels so strange for someone that is 34 to be here one day with hopes and dreams and the next day he is gone never to be seen again. I feel like the world looks different and I don't know my place or purpose anymore, like my entire life and being is just confused now. I don't understand why I had to love someone that I wasn't supposed to in the first place. Reading your post reminded me I'm not the only "victim" who has ever been through this, and I'm not the only person in the world hurting in this way. I certainly feel alone. I just feel like no one around me understands. 

youre definitely not alone in that 

ty

4 hours ago, Numb and Lost said:

 

(Christian point of view following)

I am doing that as well. Just reading straight through as well as reading different studies and devotions. It's the only thing that brings me any peace. I am studying end time prophecy also as I am quite ready for the rapture to take place. I think that's another thing that gives me hope is that we may join loved ones in heaven soon. So much prophecy has been filled. I am very interested in the great sign from revelation 12 that will be in the sky on Sept 23. 

thats really cool  my anniversary september 26th 

6 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

I have watched my share of Netflix, too! I like a wide variety of things. My wife preferred to watch a few shows over and over. The same with movies. 

The first six months it was too painful to listen to our favorite music .  Then later I found it gave me a sense of peace and comfort between the tears.  Each of us search for way that help us to cope with the grief and loss we have for our beloved.  I read many posts here and learned of many ways to cope and deal with grief.

It is a learning process. Discover what works for you.  Many wonderful people here to listen, care, and share.  We are not alone even thought the most devastating thing in our life has occurred.  It changes us. Feel the feelings and try not let the feelings completely dictate your actions. 

I had to learn to take care of myself as well as I took care of my wife and her mother years earlier.  I write, post, journal, pray and study.  Each day is a new gift of Grace.  I try to live in today as much as I can. I can not change the past and I don't know what the future holds. I can only deal with the here and today.  Search for your pathway through this grief.  - Shalom   

yes a lot of prayer and studying the bible too just starting going through it from beginning reading 5 or so chapters every day 

there are times ill just sit and play all sara's favorite music just to sit and hear it and sometimes its almost like she is right there listening with me. her favorite radio station was JoyFM  it used to drive me nuts how much she would wanna listen to it i grew up on country music and would change the station on her a lot but now theres nothing i wanna listen to more crazy the way that works sometimes 

thank you. yes its hard  i for the most part last 2 years have done my best to block it out but when it hits it hits hard 

thank you everyone it is heartwarming really to see others going through similar things and shows im not alone even though at times it feels so 

thank you 

thank you Kayc its  true alcohol is a depressant. step daughter lives in another state and we have a hard time even getting to talk to her though recently we all got to talk to her on a video call on facebook so that was nice

last night i found myself reading through old emails it was bittersweet. my 10 year old daughter really is having a hard time also always crying and being depressed lashing out in anger at everyone. my son who is 7 he never even talks about her but i know he must be hurting deep inside i just dont know how to reach him to help. 

thank you both of you. there are times i break down in front of the kids but i try my best not to. but i guess youre right every once in a while it is needed. far better than to be keeping everything bottled up. I really dont like to talk about everything but lately i see the need to have a place to vent. and this place seems as good as any atleast with people who also are going through the same things. sorry for your losses as well. what makes it really hard going through all this anxiety was that my wife was the one i always went to when i was feeling anxious and i could talk to her about everything best friend soulmate wife. but you are right we need to be there now for our kids more than ever.  Numb and lost i hope the xanax work well for you and you continue to get better.    Herc thank you for your wishes 

i am a 35 year old male father of two with a stepdaughter so really father of three though one not biological. my wife passed away in June of 2015.  first couple of weeks it hit me extremely hard crying depression. I turned to my christian friends on facebook for support. stayed with my mother and stepdad for about a month. went got a job briefly though in reality it was too far away to travel back and forth. anyway after a month i got back on my own and moved my 2 kids..they took my stepdaughter away from us cuz she wasnt legally mine. so in one day we went from a family of 5 to a family of 3 two losses at once. when i moved back on my own i got increasingly more addicted to electronic outlets as i really have never been much of a people person. my wife was my best friend and soulmate we went through everything together and she knew me like no one else did. after august of 2015 i just started to block everything out never wanted to be crying around the kids always felt the need to be strong. after a while i started drinking..too heavily. and just this last month i developed anxiety attacks.  and now my blood pressure is high or borderline high but my heartbeat has been going over 120 beats per minute at rest. its hard to sleep  hard to do anything. and now i find myself missing sara more than ever because she was the one person in the world who could always calm me down.  anyway this is me this is my story.