Years ago, I met this girl. We shared an incredible romance. We lived close, it was all going to be so easy. We dated for 4 years.
However, things changed this year. 2 friends of hers was less than pleasant to me. This continued to be an issue as they would constantly be around my gf, and be rude towards me, but in such a way that my gf had no awareness. I felt so awkward and on edge around them, and it affected the time we spent together. My gf could understand but wanted me just to get over it. I wanted her to and suggested she speak with these friends. My girlfriend did not, and I continued to feel uneasy and rejected around her friends. My girlfriend would constantly complain that I never hung out with her, and I knew this was the issue and communicated it regularly but she was not prepared to do anything.
As the months rolled on, my girlfriend increasingly became busy hanging out with her friends, such that there was no time for us. She also was not a planner but spontaneous, whereas I am the former. I am working full time with night shifts and had to do most of the work and effort. If I called and suggested an activity she'd list things she had to do with her friends that weekend. So we didn't hang out as much. Gradually resentment crept in. As I approached a busy time at work I had very little time, so stopped putting effort in and asked her to. It no longer worked, and we saw each other less frequently. Despite my pleas I seemed to come below friends, partying, sport and music on her priorities. Arguments began to happen. Then my world broke in two.
That night, I sensed she had been talking with her friends.The worst part about it, was that she cited the lack of hanging out with her, and the minor arguments over just 3 weeks. I said that it hadn't been discussed or worked through. She told me she needed space, and then broke up with me the next day. It happened near where we had our first date, and I was inconsolable.
During the next 4 weeks I received phone calls from her, she told me she still loved me, told me her life was falling apart, is this normal grieving ?
I suggested that we chat, to which she agreed. After some space she reiterated the issues, to which my main reply was "these are normal couple issues which I was unaware of and can be solved", but she was unprepared to. She told me she still loved me, she wanted this to be worked out one day but right now she needed space, and that I should move on. I understand that my ex gf is going through a crisis of sorts now. I held onto hope, she told me she still loved me etc, and didn't want to stop talking.
I decided recently that we needed to stop talking as it was damaging me, but right now I am devastated. This is the woman who I thought I was going to marry. We worked so well until I felt as if she stopped putting in for us. I felt like they were her friends words coming out of her mouth that night.
i am trying to make efforts to move on but we live so close together and both work in hospitality, and end up bumping into each other frequently. I feel betrayed, robbed and devastated. To want something so badly, then to have it and then taken away again rips you apart.
Of course I would want her back, but I understand I have to move on for now. I don't understand her decision, and believe she may come to regret it soon. I am just so hollow and empty right now and have no idea what to do. I discussed with her recently re no contact and she told me she felt strained from the discussions and stressed, she was upset, at which point I said no contact for months.
This has been a huge loss for me, and I'm completely empty. I want to do the best thing to both give us a best chance of working out in the future but also to move on. What do I do?