Pauly

Thank you all for your kind words, I know somewhere in the space they call my head that she won't be coming home. 

As far as the bottle goes its a NO from now on, before I came on this site and read all your stories I really believed that grief was something you suffered with for a couple of days and then everything went back to normal. Well how wrong was I. This morning I'm packing before I go to work and  for the life of me I can't think what I want to wear, the Boss always organised me when it came to holidays. 

Well its 3 days to go and i'm suffering panic attacks about leaving here without her, the sudden onset of overwhelming grief is getting more and more often. One of my wife's close friends said she would want me to go, but I just can't that feeling of guilt and dread.

I hope you all have a Lovely weekend and hopefully i'll be sat here next week talking to all.

Pauly

7 hours ago, Brad said:

I still find myself so wishing to share those "good" times with Deedo.  So many things that I want to share with her to see her reaction.  I find that at times I do enjoy myself but those times are unsustainable.  I go to musicals/ballet/symphonies because that was something we never really shared.  I don't go to movies because that is what we did.  When I travel it's to parts unknown to me.  Deedo was married to an Air Force pilot and lived eight years in Germany.  She loved that country, she loved Switzerland, and I can see why, so do I but I can go there only because it was not a place we traveled to together.  

The first year I took the family to Disneyland because Deedo was passionate about it, she never tired of going there.  Now that's done I can't see ever going back.

In March, I'm taking the adult kids on a cruise.  It will be interesting because the last Port of Call is Cozumel, a place Deedo and I went to a lot before she got sick.  We never did a cruise so I'm not worried about that and I did book a scuba dive because that was always my thing, she'd shop and wander around town while I dove.  Just seeing the island may be a trigger in and by itself.

I digress.  The point I wanted to make is that some of us may find ways to enjoy life and adapt to what lies before us but it certainly will not be easy nor will it be quick.

Like what Brad said i'm due to fly out on the 13th to Ireland to see my parents and then onto London to see my brother, strange thing is i'm getting panic attacks about going somewhere without my Wend. My closest friends say the trip will do me good but for the life of me i can't see how when i seem to struggle with everyday tasks

Hi all I'm new here. I lost my Wife,best friend and the only woman who could put up with me last March. I've never in my life have felt such pain as if somebody has punched me in the chest, then stood back and said now get on with your life. The past couple of weeks over Christmas and New Year have been horrendous, I know I shouldn't have but I hit the bottle Christmas Day. 

I cannot seem to stop breaking down and sobbing away then there is the anger and guilt, the emptiness....