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Tachi

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About Tachi

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Son
  • Date of Death
    today
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Hurst Texas

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  1. Thanks Marty, amazing resource.
  2. I am sincerely praying that he is able to continue dealing with life and not need a facility. that alone would kill him. He has always fought tooth and nail to be in control of his life and to be the boss. Going to court would be a very last option. I had started just agreeing w/ him on the small things to make life easier and after reading the article Marty linked to it drove home. I would be lost without you both. I pass all this on also to my best friend. he is seeing some of this with his Mom. I had suspected his narcissism made him just say things opposite me, but I guess that and he just does make it up. As long as it doesnt affect my life correctly...my business...or affect his business affairs he's ok. In general he's ok altho i worry. he has agreed to show me any legal notices he gets, just to make sure they get taken care of. luckily his life is pretty clean. Power of Atty, hmmph, spoken about that and the medical version but he drags his feet. i think he is afraid i will do something to him. Tbh i'd rather just be left alone in life and study etc.....guess we will play this day by day. At least i know a bit better whats going on with him and will try to keep my mouth shut and just agree. You menyioned avoiding doctors and near the end Mom was scared of her doctor, well she said the building he was in scared her. I didnt understand and thought she was just being silly. Wish I had understood then what I know now. I dont think I could have saved her but I could have made life a bit better. I had taken her in just a month or so before she passed and when she was in the docs office that last day her signs were normal, so maybe it was just her time. I dont think i will ever come to peace with it. Thank you and take good care of yourself. I promise that one day sonoest i will post some artwork.
  3. Not at this time. So he doesnt have the memory and has to create one on the fly without knowing it. Normally isnt a problem other than very irritating. Dont know if this is also part of it but he seems to need to disagree with everything I say. I thought that was his narcissism, he's always got to be right and is the only bearer of truth. before mom passed he was actually looking for signs he had dementia issues so he was aware. I see he doesnt realise his issues. he would never agree to be looked at. he has to always be in control. Thank you Marty
  4. Its been a fun week here. I had a msg from a lady in the business office at the hospital looking for Insurance info on dads surgery. Seems dad ahs gotten two letters prompting him to provide accident info and he was just ignoring them, and oweing 81K. So I spent all afternoon Friday talking to hospital and then insurance and being told various wrong info until the lady at Ins figured it out. They need a letter detailing the accident, supposedly to see if there are any other insureres who are liable for his surgery. I offered to write it up because I dealt with it at my last job. And no way dad can do it. i started going over what he had told me happened and now the story has changed. But he still remembers the surgery as being on his neck while I know the truth is it was on his lower back. he refuses to listen so I am leaving out any reference to the operation or findings of the exam, they have access to that. If dad has to talk to them and mentions it was his neck then they may not pay his claim. he also remembers the accident the doctors visit and the ER exam as being just a couple days apart, when in reality it ocurred over the course of 2-3 weeks. My dad wont listen but what he swears is true is false. I will not and cannot lie just to make him happy. The only course I see is to avoid those subjects and hope the Ins company is fine with the info given. Whatever he remembers is gospel simply because that is what he believes. I ask the questions and I see him struggle because he doesnt remember but since he knows it all he has to come up with something and then its set in stone. Really odd thing is that he really thinks what he says is the truth. Someone talking to him would believe him. It really makes me wonder if people who are psychotic or are very dangerous suffer from something like this and convince themselves they are right and what they do is true.
  5. Im sorry and I wish there was something I could do. Life filters down to some very basic things. I have no words of wisdom and no fixes. Its like the old saying, have the wisdom to understand what we cant change. If we cant change it then we have to change ourselves. We have to find a way to deal with the pain and agony. You are far stronger than you know. Your place in this is to be there and care for him and give him the love he needs. It is a terrible situation but I do believe that love is more powerful. make use of whatever time you have. Both of you are blessed to have had each other. There are different parts to Life and this is the tough one. I have had different understandings on life and continue to learn hard lessons. Everything is temporary, even tho we live in this bubble of the present moment and we think it will always be like this. We are never ready for the changes, esp the tough ones. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Take good care of yourself, take things as they come and just give love. make good use of the time you have.
  6. Pets esp dogs love us unconditionally, they remind us to take the time to love and to play. We really shouldnt ever grow up, not the way we do. Yes ma'am the artist is in there, if I can reclaim some skills and harness my focus im off to the races. I think i'm just holding my breath waiting for life to fall apart. thats not the right way to live. yes there an artist and a writer in there somewhere. i wish i could get my ideas to those who have skill. I think e all crowd our lives too much because we are convinced we need to do so much. Always make time for yourself. I realised that the urgent need I felt to create was false. Why? So, i'm just trying to create for myself. Doubt anyone will even notice and no one will when i leave. but while i'm here i want the joy of creation.
  7. I always sound like a crazy man, well i do have anxiety and worry problems. But I went out to water the plants on the patio and it looked like rain. theres a couple trees on one side of the house covered in pink flowers, and the wind gusted and drew them into the air so they danced down all over the yard. I went around the corner and looked up. past the flowered trees were dark storm clouds racing by. the contrast was beautiful, never seen anything like that before. my first thought was how to do that in 3d
  8. havent talked to anyone. Doesnt matter if a judge told him to see a doctor, they would have to carry him bodily if he doesnt want to go and honestly I wouldnt talk to anyone unless I was ready to leave this family because thats what it would mean to my dad. I am mainly concerned with him sitting and vegetating. Altho today he turned on the tv and started watching. thats something. When I talk to him, when he has human input he seems fine. So maybe if left alone he just doesnt care to do anything. Funny, ive never considered myself as his caretaker. Tho he does needs a little help here and there. In any case he refuses to listen to me and he has suffered for it. If i should ever talk to anyone about him let alone take charge of his affairs, unless thats at his behest then I would no longer have a place in this family. he seems deathly afraid of losing control. Dad's wish is for his estate to not go thru probate. Tbh i cant afford that in any way. he also wants to make it easier on me after he is gone and in my mind he will need that money the way he is going. Back operation 5k hearing aids He got two notices from the hospital because apparently the insurance company needs some information before they pay his claim. Dad only yesterday talked to someone on the phone. Who is sending him a form to fill out. Im guessing the Ins co needs a lil info before they pay the claim. Today some lady from the hospital left a msg on my machine. Dad doesnt understand that its up to him to see that insurance pays the claim or he is stuck with a huge bill and will have to sell the house. Add to that the two notices he got were extremely unhelpful and the person who left a msg now doesnt answer the phone. Frustrated to the point of bursting. in all of this im studying...I think lol. Mom and dad had filled the house w/ antiques and mom collected antique glassware and dishware so they are all valuable. I know that he wont get full value for them but fair price would be nice. i hate all of this so much. i know nothing about estate sales and companies yet am expected to make it work perfectly. And I get handed or stumble upon messes like the insurance, can get NO reliable info and have no idea whats going on, and it could be easily avoided. dad just seems to think nothing can happen to him. Know what I would like? To sit under a big shaded tree on the banks of a stream and watch the clouds. nice cold glass of lemonade. feel the breeze and listen to the birds chirping. When I was a kid we lived outside chicago. We rode our bikes to a field with a stream shaded by huge trees. it was always cool under those trees. cattails grew up the sides of the slopes......
  9. Thanks, have a couple books ordered. Will be sure to signup on medicare. Funny that same day as you posted this I got the social security/medicare mailer. they say signup 3 months before being eligible. Having trouble finding an estate sale company. Dad wants to sell everything we dont need to live on. They all seem to want to have a half off on the last day. I understand that when you're selling the house this is to clear it. But as we arent selling the house it isnt needed. My concern is that their clientele knows they always do this on the last day and will wait for it. They also balk when I tell them they cant start at 8 or 9 a.m. dad is still groggy from his sleeping pills as well as needing to get that extra sleep. No way he needs to be up and moving around. Still looking. I really have no way of knowing if these companies are trustworthy. Dad.....has trouble reading so he gave up. Stopped his parkinsons meds and his tremors are worse, so he gave up building models. Most days he just sits in his chair in the dark and stares at the wall. I dont know if he is scheming or if he just has trouble forming thought. he refuses to see any of his doctors. Says his new 5k hearing aids dont work well but doesnt want to go to that doctor either. I know he is in some pain and he has issues. I know that since he knows more than anyone and has convinced himself his docs cant help I guess he is stuck. In a way i get it but this is not my father. I dont know how long its been this way and his health and mom passing accellerated it. But this is not my father. Or maybe I just never saw it before. Honestly, I dont know how people deal with this. he does not listen and he gets insulted if he thinks im telling him what to do. last night I showed him how to find movies on hulu and Youtube app. Only because he would just go movie by movie and complain they dont have anything. So he just kinda laughs at me. Im just kinda mystified lol. Oh well...started studying Networking and this is going to be tougher but am going to change the way i study it. It's understandable so far but its deep and so much info. I hope you're avoiding the heat. We are getting heat warnings in Texas.
  10. Happy 4th of July, fireworks and hot dogs and such. I think you have so much strength to do what you did. You came out the other side of it. No clue if there is a purpose in these things or if it's just what Life has thrown at us, just the way it's worked out. At least i finally see something of the truth. What i'm trying to do is isolate my heart from him and not let his words or deeds affect me, they are often false. Humans desire stability and security and he is like a shadow or quicksand. he thinks its real and hes right when often its just make believe and distortion. My fear is that he needlessly bankrupt himself or cause himself harm. I would have to step in, but barring that I leave him alone other than advice. i just hope thats enough to dissuade the worst. Going thru the courts would be a last resort, as I live here i would probably be thrown out or at least this would be a very bad place to be. My concern is that since he thinks he is perfect and knows all he has convinced himself of certain things and he will fulfill them. or else he is just trying to play me. It gets very tiring to never know stability or peace. I need to stick with it til my next certification, a year. For him, he cant survive without me. theres no way. I just wish he wouldnt give up. Medicare for me will be 3 years and 3 months. I'm hoping to have a job by then and get medical etc thru them. It is very scary and frustrating to have the future in such a precarious position but then i suppose we just have to bear our burdens and push through. What i'm trying to do...learn to be aware and detached and step back instead of reacting. No matter what happens there are still wonderful things in this Life. Trying to learn to deal with the anxiety and worry. look at it, deal with it, and drop it. Your mom sounds like she was a handful, bless you for taking care of her. Dad seems better when he gets to be with his friends a bit. like lunch today. maybe he just needs a fulltime audience. Should get him a job at the library telling the kids his stories. Thanks for the book title, will look. have a couple I need to finish, lack of discipline and all lol. take good care
  11. Well dad told me a few days ago he would die soon. i never know if he is really thinking what he says or if he's just playing his games. because he plays games I separate myself and when he drops bombs like this I dont really get bothered. I wont ever let him see it affect me if it does. Its just building a cold heart to him. Today I was trying to help him get some business taken care of. There are things that come in that he ignores, like selectng an electric plan. he just ignored it so I logged on and asked him what he wanted. he said get the yearly plan because he wouldnt be alive a year. later at dinner he tells me his left hip is bothering him and if it doesnt get better he will go to the hospital for an xray. I suggested a few things he could try but it is as if I didnt speak. I also suggested he go to his doctor for an xray as the hospital is much more expensive. he doesnt understand that you just dont go to the hgospital like you do a doctor. You go to the emergency room, he doesnt have an emergency. I dont like his doctor either but he will send him to the radiologist for the xray and they are very good. I never know when he is truthful or just playing a game but im afraid he is going mad. I was going to set him up with Audible today as his favorite author is on there. Come to find out hes had it for three months. But he cant use it. the volume is loud enough but it isnt clear enough. I'm wondering if his ears are just dieing because he has new $5k ears. So I guess he is stuck brooding in his chair in a dark room all day. this was my day, this is why I get upset and dont get any work done, really hard to concentrate. Just a circus.
  12. Not too long ago I was interested in nutrition etc. I have seen many references to new findings and ideas and wanted to compare and find a healthy path. However there seem to be so many views and I cant sort through them all. So I will try and eat healthy and be active. I know my dad has increased tremors since he decided he didnt need his Parkinson's med anymore. he told me he has a problem with reading from being unable to always go to the next line. He jumps to the wrong one. So he no longer tries to build models and he no longer tries to read. he refuses to try anything and he refuses to see a doctor. All day he sits comatose in his chair staring and refuses to try. He will not listen. He who thinks he knows everything ends up not only knowing nothing but he is slowly dieing from it. When he talks to my brother he acts like everything is fine. Thats part of the act, not admitting he refuses to cope or try. A normal person I could talk to and have a chance of getting them to agree to try. But he has convinced himself nothing can be done and he knows everything. Doctors cant help, since when did he have a medical degree? I try very hard to do what I need to do. While I am not truely free while I live here I as much as I can isolate myself from him. I know what he is and how he is. The peace is holding and I will help if he asks and its not a scam. I never know if what he says is real or not. But I have compassion for a human being who is suffering and doubly so because he is foolish. I dont know if anything could be done but to not try isn't acceptable. I fear that his mind has become unhinged. It doesnt help that often we cant get ahold of my brother. just once a week helps greatly. Only thing I can think of is to get him Audible...ive suggested it but he says they wouldnt have anything he likes. Thats how it is with my every suggestion. he could watch Hulu or Youtube or prime but he says there isn't anything he likes. he has problems using the search to find things so since it doesnt work he doesnt try. To continue my Insurance would have cost me over 500/month. Considering that I may go broke getting through taking care of the estate after he passes I didnt want to draw down my bank acct. It's a terrible risk and one I dont enjoy. Aches and pains make me wonder if something is wrong. Your pup is lucky to have such a good Mom. Sounds like he has some real issues. Wish I had a good suggestion. But some things humans do dogs can and some they cant. i drink a cup of warm lemon/Ginger tea every evening and its good for many things including the digestion. But again I dont know if a dog could drink it. I think my dad fears losing control. he told me once he is a coward and I wonder if he was letting me in on his secret. he has to be in control because he is afraid. he lords it over and bullies people who he feels he has power over yet kisses the behind of those in authority. maybe thats why he was totally ineffectual the day my Mom died. And why he was a statue in the office as they examined her and she had her emergency. Thats why he makes mistakes and then is so mad and outraged at the offending company. HE cant be wrong so he makes it out that they are, no matter how wrong he is, if he never admits it then he is never wrong. because he is always right and god reality is dispensed by him. And why he wishes to control reality for those he can exercise power over. BUT, now his reality has crashed, because the truth of Life has broken the walls. Since he knows better than everyone and he is convinced no one can help then it isnt an option. It is as if set in stone and cannot be questioned. Like after his stroke he knew better that rehab was a waste and he didnt do it. Thats why he has more trouble walking, doesnt stand up straight, and sitting down is falling into the chair. Come the dawn here, sorry to ramble. Started to learn compositing in Photoshop. Am very bad at starting new things but really want to learn. Is all about cutting people and objects out of pictures and art and combining them to make your own artwork. from what i've seen skilled people do is really fun.
  13. Thanks, off rest of the week, did my cleaning around the house already so a few days of relearning how to use my art software. I can tell the days dad is challenged, he scowls like an angry toddler and gets really quiet. So will see how fast and how badly he is degrading. he has always gotten upset when I ask or offer help he just disagrees immediately. So he cuts himself off for help unless he asks for it. There were two workers outside the building where dad went and the entrance he needed was along the next side and not signed and one guy stopped what he was doing and took him over there, very nice guy. So have you regained your health? i was going to suggest a bottle of apple cider vinegar with the mother...but I bought one a few years ago and by the smell of it theres no way i could drink it even mixed in juice lol.
  14. What a very odd day, but it went well. Now the atty needs to file the muniment order and let it be finalised and file a ladybird for which we sign and the house deed is done dad was sick and feeling weak. i know he didnt want to but he went. there are no spaces at the courthouse to drop someone off, very odd. I stopped at the top of a 'T' intersection and dropped him off. Spent 10 minutes or so hunting a parking spot and finally found a garage. Went inside the courthouse and the room had been changed and kept getting told different numbers and never found a room with the number on it. Thankfully the atty found dad and took care of him. Entire process was just signing a couple papers and judge sign a few. Atty was very nice and dad liked her. We stopped at Ihop on the way home for dinner but he has just been acting odd. maybe today upset him, as well as him being ill. Now he can relax, I just hope our atty gets the rest done in a timely manner. Thanks for your prayers, we made it. Thats left of what dad wanted...finalise the deed and set the ladybird and do the estate sale. I snuck a peak at the next IT certification for me, it's Networking and it compares to 9-12 months in the field....my jaw dropped.
  15. Our hearing at probate is tomorrow. Ive explained this numerous times and after lunch he asks me why we are going to court. We've been over that several times. I dont know if he is forgetting or if he just doesnt listen to me. usually whenever i talk about his estate or anything about my life he goes catatonic. So I explained it all carefully and slowly. If he shows signs of incompetence tomorrow it all falls apart. Our atty is a nice younger lady who she and her husband run a small office by themselves. But that means I can never get ahold of her. I would really like to ask some questions and have some indication she hasnt forgotten and I would really appreciate her meeting dad on the courthouse steps and helping him to the room. I will need to drop him off and go find a parking garage several blocks away. Is it not so very odd that we arent taught about the later stages of Life...how to cope and how to prepare. I think most people could benefit by proper preparation. But by and large we are a fat, spoiled, and lazy society. I sincerely pray I dont need to go through what you did, I dont think i'd have the strength. But i'm glad you did, and able to visit your Mom. near the end at least she was mellow and she felt the love you had for her. Odd how in the end it boils down to the simple things. Time is precious as well as people. The Mind is a wonderful and mysterious thing. I've always considered that our faculties are all tied together, mind...body...soul...etc Time to run, want to drive downtown so i know how to get there, as well as see where the parking garages are. Take good care and talk to ya later...
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