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Tachi

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About Tachi

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Hurst Texas

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Son
  • Date of Death
    today
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

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  1. Tachi

    Mom

    Sounds like she's in good hands then. I made mistakes going through and after mine unfortunately. Nowadays they make humorous tales, sadly. Take care
  2. Tachi

    Mom

    Sounds like she does just need to take care of herself. Hard to help someone who doesnt want it. If by chance there's a University close that has a counselling program they may offer community services. When I was going through my divorce we went to see a counsellor at TCU Bright Seminary. Remember it like it was yesterday, after that last session I walked her to the car and opened the door. I said 'gee honey I feel better how about you'. She looked at me funny and said....'I didnt talk about anything that bothers me'. She was just dragging me thru hell. That's when I knew there was no hope. Your daughter isn't alone and that's good. Take good care and tell her that no matter how dark it is now she WILL make it. Look beyond the pain of the moment. She'll make it. Take care, Scott
  3. Tachi

    Mom

    Thanks message sent. The little bit that i've come up with is we play it day by day. Life isn't against us it just 'is'. My dad is how he is and he wont change. Our situations can't be wished away. But our challenge is to find joy and happiness despite the sorrow and pain. There is always love and there is always hope...tho at times they seem to be hiding. I am down to one friend, as I knew it would be. My best friend and more like family than anyone in my family. Everyone from work is a friend until you leave then they fade. In the hard times, when it seems dark remember that God gives you strength, you are a light in the darkness and always have the choice to shine...if even just for yourself. I forget that sometimes I know your daughter is going thru a bad time, she will get thru this. My own divorce many years ago and then my rebound after were just horrible mistakes. What I tell people is whether you think you need it or not talk to someone, get some help. Hopefully your Church has some counselling available. It's good that she has you to help her through this. These days its never a given that family or friends will help in the tough times. Take care of yourself and your daughter. Will remember her in my prayers.
  4. Tachi

    Mom

    Sorry but no garden yet. I find it extremely difficult to concentrate and focus. Studying has been dificult at best. dad has his ups and downs. he will get really tired for a few days and feel horrid and then be near normal again. He has alot of trouble understanding things and gets offended when I explain the truth to him. he tends to argue like a lil kid. I think it offends him that someone doesnt agree with him. Mom basically spoiled him, agreeing with everything and telling him how wonderfull it all was. Its just a mess, he complains about weakness in his legs but then wont go to PT and wont believe me that PT isnt a workout club. lol. Tonight he was convinced he was paying my car insurance.....there's a TV series in this somewhere. Anyway, just wanted to let ya know I havent forgotten and will post when I get pic done. I hope you've been well, take care
  5. Tachi

    Mom

    I will....hope you had a good Moms Day. I'm trying to just find ways to get along with my dad. I am having some enlightening moments for my life. I realise that what I had hoped and dreamed for a few years ago when I moved back are gone. So I let go and opened my hand. Have been going thru my room and closets and there were quite alot of books and some movies that I had stockpiled for a career in 3d art and got rid of em. My best friend is getting two boxes in the mail lol. I was hanging on in the hope in a ghost of a dream. I realised that I hadn't used them in a year or more and probably wouldnt ever. Time to cut those away and focus that energy on what matters now. There are other things that I wont give up but I just dont have the time now. Hoping that there will be a drop in the drama her for a bit and will start work on a garden, may be several so will see if I still can use these rusty skills. Take care
  6. Tachi

    Mom

    I'm sorry to hear that. You've been thru so much and yet you're here helping others. I'd say you have a strong spirit. I decided to just try being nicer and being thoughtfull. This isa trying time for both of us so we will see how it goes. I've been out of work and studying to get into IT. No clue if he really understands but the other day he tells me i dont have to worry about all that. Because it wont be very long before I come into alot of money and wont have to work. He thinks there will be enough money left over after selling the house and paying off the mortgage. Kind of like he was enticing me with the lure of money. I like to eat as much as anyone but honestly at this point other than basic needs it just doesnt matter to me. And theres no lure for me, I would rather be treated with respect. There is an inheritance that my great aunt left in Mom's care to be split between me and my brother. He is going to use it to pay off her medical bills and then split it three ways between us all. That will all be invested. Hope you have a good Sunday. I am starting to plan a picture for Mom. She always loved her garden so will do one for her. Probably end up doing many but this will be a start. Take care
  7. Tachi

    Mom

    Thank you, I had wondered if it was just me and if I was being horrible wanting to leave. I think he does want to keep control and as long as he does and feels he is in charge he can forget whats really going on. And that would be ok. Most of the time hes nice and cordial. Just once in awhile he has this episode like the other night. he was 'dissapointed' in me because I had left the sink filthy. I remembered cleaning it but I looked and it was clean, no bits of food like he was claiming. I thought maybe its because the sink is stained so I tried to get the stain out. Which of course meant that I had cleaned it before he looked again. Basically calling me a liar. maybe I should be able to just be understanding and not take it personally and just understand whats wrong with him. I dont know if i can. Theres no way in the world he would understand theres something wrong with him nor would he go to the doctor either. He just cannot see nor admit theres anything wrong with him. He wouldnt survive on his own. I'm not close to my brother at all and dont trust him, hes out of state. As for me i'm out of work trying to study for my IT certification so I can finish my years in a Helpdesk or Tech job, retail isnt viable at this age. I had never thought life would be like this. So i'm in a bit of a pinch as far as options. What I decided is to start going thru my things and trim the fat so to speak and packup what I dont use everyday that I want to keep and therefore be ready to move. I've tried my best to help him but he doesnt want it, so he will make his own mistakes and sadly will hurt me and my brother. But what hurts is that I have been helping with everything I can, I gave up on thoughts of a career in animation because I would have had to move away, for them. And to him its just a business relationship, im not a son. Even tho he was telling me yesterday I didnt need to study or work again because when he passes I will come into alot of money, lol. He's always been like that, thinking he can manipulate people with the lure of oney. If I do end up leaving that will be the end of it all and he can give everything to my brother. Sorry this is long and whiney. Thank you again, it's good to know its not just me. I'm just keeping my head down like a good employee and waiting for the next episode.
  8. Tachi

    Mom

    Thx, I am not going to be helping with these things any longer. he has pretty much told me that I am an employee. What he doesnt realise is that I never saw it that way. I thought we were a family and a team. I was wrong. He appreciates nothing, least of all that if he had someone live in and do what I do they would get room and board and salary. I've tried til i'm blue in the face and my health is beginning to suffer, no more. Honestly I dont think this arrangement will last much longer so I will be starting to pack and abandoning studies and redo my resume. I deeply appreciate everything you folks have done for me. If this is how he treated Mom then I feel so sorry for her and I understand why she told me one time that he wasnt the same and she didnt know how to treat him. he has made it abundantly clear that he doesnt need a son just an employee. Again I thank you for your many kindnesses. I don't think i'd be here otherwise.
  9. Tachi

    Mom

    I dont know whats going on really. If I was working i would have left tonight. I dont want to go into detail but my dad has some mental issues based on what ive seen a few times, making things up and blaming me and being very disrespectfull. maybe hes trying to get me to leave. I know hes my dad but he should behave this way, almost like a split personality. In case i dont get back on I wanted to say a heartfelt i cant thank you both enough. I havent been able to come to grips with the constant roll of tragedy the past 7 months and it just keeps on coming. I'll do my best but I think i'm just out of luck.Take good care of yourselves. *hugs*
  10. Tachi

    Mom

    Thanks Marty, will have a look after the news. Id get my dad some help for his episodes but he would never ever understand there is something wrong.
  11. Tachi

    Mom

    I understand, the same joy just isnt there because part of it is missing. I do hope you find joy in creativity again tho. I'm sorry to hear that about your Mom, you're much stronger than I can ever hope to be. Getting guardianship over dad would be extremely difficult. I live with him in his house so he would probably kick me out. Mom always spoiled him rotten and he thinks im being disrespectfull for disagreeing with him. he just has to come up with plans for things. Even when its working fine he has to make a plan, and it just makes life harder for me. he has good days and bad days, I clued in that he doesnt write anything because of his parkinsons but I dont know if he forgets or just doesnt care. I dont care for his doctor much, the guy doesnt seem to care. dad is ok enough for almost all things. But he doesnt explain well, mixes up words and seems to forget (or doesnt care). I'm trying to let him alone except when its important. I hate seeing him worried about money when as long as hes carefull he will be fine. may I ask you one question tho? dad has been going thru Mom's things like her clothes. I suggested he take anything not expensive to a resale shop..or rather ask them to come get it. he refuses to have a garage sale which i agree with. The more expensive things will need to be handled in otherways but simpler things like clothing do you have any ideas? I think honestly at this point my biggest challenge is to relax and be more understandin. dad is stressing me out and that doesnt do anyone any good. I have to learn to focus, maybe just detach myself but is very difficult. sigh, is insane here. dad freaked out telling me to go look at the kitchen sink , is filthy. It wasnt filthy, just the same stains its always had and never comes out but I scrubbed it anyway, he tells me I cleaned it already then told him it was clean, so he called me a liar. Keeps going on about me rethinking being here. Man I cook, shop, laundry clean, run him when he asks and watch over him. And hes freaking out over a sink that wasnt dirty. I dont understand, its like a mini episode and then hes fine. But when he does this he says things I know arent true. I guess i should just say ok but I dont want to become the houseboy, he acts very disrexpectfull. Im out of work and studyng to get into IT so will be msot of the year, he complained about me studying and after I explain again he says he understands, Is my Dad losing his mind?
  12. Tachi

    Mom

    I understand how you feel. I hope that one day you'll get the urge to create again and feel good about it. Maybe you could do a crafts class at church. You probably don't have the time for it tho. Im sorry to hear that about your Mom, you're much stronger than I even hope to be. Dad isn't there yet. I pray he never gets there. He's been spoiled and hes so used to Mom always agreeing with everything he'd say. Decades of that and he thinks he's never wrong. When I disagree with him he gets upset and thinks i'm being disrespectful. I don't mean to be but i'm not just going to agree on everything. I guess it confuses him. he thinks he's fine and dandy. I don't know how he reconciles it all. Very hard to keep study focus and personal focus. Guess that is my challenge in life. Thank you my friend, Take good care
  13. Tachi

    Mom

    Indeed, many kinds of friends. I guess i've never been one to need to be around people just because. It's worse now i suppose. Most people to me, and it's not because I felt I was or am anything special...most people are just trying to find something or someone to waste their time. There's just a handful anymore I care to be around. I never could understand why kids would always need to go to the club and get messed up and have so much drama and have 'friends' that couldnt care less about them. Then I clued in that it makes them feel real and alive. Having a hard time with Dad. Ive been trying to help him manage going to less income and things he needs to take care of. But he just doesnt listen. If it's not his idea he just stares blankly. he will tell me something for example about banking or investments and I know hes confused and I point out to him carefully how it works and its like you're trying to kill his dog or something. Then he will decide that something needs to change that works perfectly well. But he just gets something in his head and its the best idea since PB and J. I try discussing it with him and his logic makes no sense whatsoever. Then we argue and I give up. It's just getting extremely frustrating. I've told him and i've run his bills and he's fine, the way we do things works and is fine but he thinks he has to come up with these convoluted ideas. i wouldn't mind if didn't make life harder for me. I find it increasingly more difficult to study. And I will need to start working again after I pass my certifications. I figured maybe he just feels he has to do 'something' so he feels like head of household. There was a video on youtube and if i can find it will post. It was made by an American professor in the 60's, talking about the changes in our society and how and why and who. It's chilling because he lays out the entire plan in the 60's and it's all either come true or is coming true. If you look at our society today we value youth, Youth is alienated from the older folks, heavily disrespects them and doesnt trust them. Marketing is heavily targeted to youth. partly understandable since tech is changing so fast. But society is more than ever driven by large corporations and marketers. When the focus of society and the values are flipped upside down then the value is on young people, who by and large have little experience or values. They've destroyed values as a whole. theyve been replaced by political correctness. Which keeps people in line with the new flipped values and punishes anyone who voices or acts in opposition. The things that this country was founded on are values less and less. The values we hold dear as people, our very beliefs are being denied. At this rate in several generations our ideas may be gone. The entire gist is that these youth are easily manipulated and used. Their passion for change and to right wrongs has been hijacked and perverted. ok, sorry, really frustrated with life today. Do me a favor tho, if you love doing artwork, take just a little time and create something.
  14. Tachi

    Mom

    I agree, it changes you. To a degree at least for me it shattered me and left a chasm that needs to be healed. I suppose the challenge in our lives is do we and how we heal. So strange to me that our society seems so focused on kids and the early part of life. I had thought my last years would be if not easy at least on an even keel. far from it. I think at least for me I feel far less drive to make friends. Partly because ive learned to differentiate between real friends and those I just know. And the people drift away or pass away and we have a much smaller group around us. So it can be much less support when we need it. I suppose this is where the tribal structure has an advantage, appreciating the older wise ones and coming together when a member is in need. Perhaps we as a society has advanced in many ways but stepped backwards in some ways that really matter. Sorry, thinking out loud. This is the part of the path that is shrouded in shadow. No one wants to think about it tho everyone will go through it. We arent trained or prepared. The real heroes are the ones who deal and survive. Theres no spotlight and no applause. Just doing what is right in compassion. We are faced with things we knew all along but pushed back. Getting too thoughtfull,
  15. Tachi

    Mom

    Ah, I should have known. Yes I have been doing lots of reading. One of the big realisations was that everyone grieves and differently. I knew that but it struck home and became real for me and that greatly helped me. Will look for your book on amazon. My best friend who has been an invaluable help is learning also. His Mom is 80ish and he dreads what he knows will come. He says that by talking to me and seeing me cope he thinks he will be able to deal with it when the time comes. Of course I will be there for him as well. I suppose there is a ripple effect to everyone you help. Whenever it's needed I will be referring people over. Thanks again
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