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Tachi

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About Tachi

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Son
  • Date of Death
    today
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Hurst Texas

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  1. That is indeed a very special dog and a very good looking one. This pic makes me smile. What a playful pup. I dont know how it applies but teres a special bond between dogs and humans. In some traditions they can be guides and spirit animals who arrive in our lives to teach, to love and help heal, many reasons. I think you were truely blessed to have Arlie in your Life. The last dog I had..Marco...was a miniature schnauzer. Really sweet dog and loved to play catch.... Yes, Arlie was a true blessing. take good care of yourself my friend.
  2. I'm truely sorry to hear about your dog. Wonderful companion, all love. Some people say get a new puppy, but it was never that simple for me. Hang in there and cherish the memories. When we're young we know so many people. But as it progresses tyhe crowd dims for many reasons. I learned to distinguish friends from people who I knew. I have one friend in this world and he is like a brother. I fear I open up too much about life's struggles. I know I have insecurities and anxieties that do not belong in my life. But we are dealt the cards in Life and we do the best we can. As you say its always changing. Curious how we aren't really taught how to deal with Life. Thank you for your kindness. I wish I had some wisdom for you but it seems i've misplaced it.
  3. none of us has alot of money. I just want my fair share to survive. Im helping family so i want nothing more. It would be nice if they understood tho. It just hurts my brother has no regard for me at all. he keeps trying to play me and is pretty obvious.For the life of me I dont see what use he has for it. I have become a firm believer in Family is who you choose, people who have shown their care for you. Sad to me that some think your purpose is to take advantage of you. I get that from my dad sometimes, he will try and tell me what to do or stick his nose where it doesnt belong and defends it by saying hes my father. I have to remind him i'm a 61 year old adult. Guess will need to remind my brother. You know how difficult this is and then some. and Thank you
  4. Thanks Marty...thats what I was thinking but being an anxiety ridden person i think of all the possibilities. I have several times made it clear to my brother that the estate will be done, expenses paid and then we will share 50/50. I told him if theres something he wants as a keepsake i have no objections but he has to ask dad because I dont own it. I have no idea why he seems to want me to stay here. After my dads stroke he would talk about how he wouldnt live very long so he was going to spend every penny he got his hands on. My Great Aunt who was like a second Mother to us left some money with Mom to split between us boys. We had a copy of the Will in the safe that stated that. Moms fear was that if dad got ahold of it he would spend it asap. After Mom passed I talked to dad several times about the intent of that money and he would get mad and say he could do whatever he wanted with it, it was his. He didnt care what my Aunts Will said or the moral obligation. He did finally end up splitting it three ways which was satisfactory. I figure dad thought I was like him and wanted to be greedy. Not starving and living on the street eventually is important. But what I care about is the obligation to the people who matter. If my Aunt had put in her Will that all that money goes to a cat, then i would get dad to give it to a cat. Point being that I feel here I am the only one wanting to do whats right. I dont want to struggle or be homeless but I dont think im being greedy or anything of the kind. It makes me very sad that my brother wants to use me to further his own gain. No matter what he says or how he acts I will see the wishes of my dad fulfilled. I wonder if my dad would understand if I told him that executors are allowed in Texas to be compensated with a fee equal to 5% of the value of the estate. I'm not interested but i think what i'm doing is very much taken for granted. Anyway, i'm taking up your Sunday. Thanks as always for the helping hand. I do have an atty that helped with the estate stuff and will try to contact her. hve been trying for a couple weeks with no luck. Hope you have nice weather and can enjoy. take care
  5. Hi, Hope this finds you ladies doing well. I need an opinion and some advice I guess. My dad had asked me to set up his estate. My brother is in Cali and cant do it and his work keeps him there when hes working. What he does has been kept a secret but apparently it's not something he can do here in Texas. So dad informed me that I will be settling his estate when he passes. I knew nothing about estate planning and I did hours of research and dealing with legalities ad the atty. Thankfully his estate is small. His wish is that nothing go through probate and that both of us kids share equally. Here is the issue looming on the horizon. My brother has asked me a couple times if I wanted to live in the house and I told him no, I can in no way afford to stay here. I am still unemployed and studying for certifications to look for a job in IT. I do not want to leave dad by himself so I plan on studying for certs until he passes. I have talked to dad that i wont live in the house that i will sell it and hes ok with that. Lawfully my name will be the one on the deed so i will be able to sell it. But if my brother wishes he could get an atty and sue to block the sale. It will be a very difficult time. I cannot in any way allow myself to go broke enough that I cant get an apt. i will need to find a job. yes i had counted on the estate to provide a good cushion to get started back in life. My great fear is going broke and ending out on the street. I also cant afford to have my name on the mortgage and the sale gets tied up, i run out of money and lose the house, ruins my credit and then cant get an apt or job. I hold no illusion, it will be very tough to get either. My brother is like my dad. he is overbearing to the point of rudeness. he tries to play you and honestly he's not good at it. he tries to tell me I can easily afford to live here because his bills are so much more. Lol. Which means nothing other than he has high bills and a much better income. At this point I feel like dad could go any day. then im fighting my brother for the estate. Trying to find a job and an apt. If it comes down to a protracted fight i dont have the resources to hang in so will have to abandon it all. At this point I consider that I no longer have any family. People who try and use you arent family. I was up all night a couple nights ago working thru scenarios and the only one i can possibly survive is if I sell the house. anyway, sorry to vent, no one need answer.
  6. Thanks Marty, amazing resource.
  7. I am sincerely praying that he is able to continue dealing with life and not need a facility. that alone would kill him. He has always fought tooth and nail to be in control of his life and to be the boss. Going to court would be a very last option. I had started just agreeing w/ him on the small things to make life easier and after reading the article Marty linked to it drove home. I would be lost without you both. I pass all this on also to my best friend. he is seeing some of this with his Mom. I had suspected his narcissism made him just say things opposite me, but I guess that and he just does make it up. As long as it doesnt affect my life correctly...my business...or affect his business affairs he's ok. In general he's ok altho i worry. he has agreed to show me any legal notices he gets, just to make sure they get taken care of. luckily his life is pretty clean. Power of Atty, hmmph, spoken about that and the medical version but he drags his feet. i think he is afraid i will do something to him. Tbh i'd rather just be left alone in life and study etc.....guess we will play this day by day. At least i know a bit better whats going on with him and will try to keep my mouth shut and just agree. You menyioned avoiding doctors and near the end Mom was scared of her doctor, well she said the building he was in scared her. I didnt understand and thought she was just being silly. Wish I had understood then what I know now. I dont think I could have saved her but I could have made life a bit better. I had taken her in just a month or so before she passed and when she was in the docs office that last day her signs were normal, so maybe it was just her time. I dont think i will ever come to peace with it. Thank you and take good care of yourself. I promise that one day sonoest i will post some artwork.
  8. Not at this time. So he doesnt have the memory and has to create one on the fly without knowing it. Normally isnt a problem other than very irritating. Dont know if this is also part of it but he seems to need to disagree with everything I say. I thought that was his narcissism, he's always got to be right and is the only bearer of truth. before mom passed he was actually looking for signs he had dementia issues so he was aware. I see he doesnt realise his issues. he would never agree to be looked at. he has to always be in control. Thank you Marty
  9. Its been a fun week here. I had a msg from a lady in the business office at the hospital looking for Insurance info on dads surgery. Seems dad ahs gotten two letters prompting him to provide accident info and he was just ignoring them, and oweing 81K. So I spent all afternoon Friday talking to hospital and then insurance and being told various wrong info until the lady at Ins figured it out. They need a letter detailing the accident, supposedly to see if there are any other insureres who are liable for his surgery. I offered to write it up because I dealt with it at my last job. And no way dad can do it. i started going over what he had told me happened and now the story has changed. But he still remembers the surgery as being on his neck while I know the truth is it was on his lower back. he refuses to listen so I am leaving out any reference to the operation or findings of the exam, they have access to that. If dad has to talk to them and mentions it was his neck then they may not pay his claim. he also remembers the accident the doctors visit and the ER exam as being just a couple days apart, when in reality it ocurred over the course of 2-3 weeks. My dad wont listen but what he swears is true is false. I will not and cannot lie just to make him happy. The only course I see is to avoid those subjects and hope the Ins company is fine with the info given. Whatever he remembers is gospel simply because that is what he believes. I ask the questions and I see him struggle because he doesnt remember but since he knows it all he has to come up with something and then its set in stone. Really odd thing is that he really thinks what he says is the truth. Someone talking to him would believe him. It really makes me wonder if people who are psychotic or are very dangerous suffer from something like this and convince themselves they are right and what they do is true.
  10. Im sorry and I wish there was something I could do. Life filters down to some very basic things. I have no words of wisdom and no fixes. Its like the old saying, have the wisdom to understand what we cant change. If we cant change it then we have to change ourselves. We have to find a way to deal with the pain and agony. You are far stronger than you know. Your place in this is to be there and care for him and give him the love he needs. It is a terrible situation but I do believe that love is more powerful. make use of whatever time you have. Both of you are blessed to have had each other. There are different parts to Life and this is the tough one. I have had different understandings on life and continue to learn hard lessons. Everything is temporary, even tho we live in this bubble of the present moment and we think it will always be like this. We are never ready for the changes, esp the tough ones. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Take good care of yourself, take things as they come and just give love. make good use of the time you have.
  11. Pets esp dogs love us unconditionally, they remind us to take the time to love and to play. We really shouldnt ever grow up, not the way we do. Yes ma'am the artist is in there, if I can reclaim some skills and harness my focus im off to the races. I think i'm just holding my breath waiting for life to fall apart. thats not the right way to live. yes there an artist and a writer in there somewhere. i wish i could get my ideas to those who have skill. I think e all crowd our lives too much because we are convinced we need to do so much. Always make time for yourself. I realised that the urgent need I felt to create was false. Why? So, i'm just trying to create for myself. Doubt anyone will even notice and no one will when i leave. but while i'm here i want the joy of creation.
  12. I always sound like a crazy man, well i do have anxiety and worry problems. But I went out to water the plants on the patio and it looked like rain. theres a couple trees on one side of the house covered in pink flowers, and the wind gusted and drew them into the air so they danced down all over the yard. I went around the corner and looked up. past the flowered trees were dark storm clouds racing by. the contrast was beautiful, never seen anything like that before. my first thought was how to do that in 3d
  13. havent talked to anyone. Doesnt matter if a judge told him to see a doctor, they would have to carry him bodily if he doesnt want to go and honestly I wouldnt talk to anyone unless I was ready to leave this family because thats what it would mean to my dad. I am mainly concerned with him sitting and vegetating. Altho today he turned on the tv and started watching. thats something. When I talk to him, when he has human input he seems fine. So maybe if left alone he just doesnt care to do anything. Funny, ive never considered myself as his caretaker. Tho he does needs a little help here and there. In any case he refuses to listen to me and he has suffered for it. If i should ever talk to anyone about him let alone take charge of his affairs, unless thats at his behest then I would no longer have a place in this family. he seems deathly afraid of losing control. Dad's wish is for his estate to not go thru probate. Tbh i cant afford that in any way. he also wants to make it easier on me after he is gone and in my mind he will need that money the way he is going. Back operation 5k hearing aids He got two notices from the hospital because apparently the insurance company needs some information before they pay his claim. Dad only yesterday talked to someone on the phone. Who is sending him a form to fill out. Im guessing the Ins co needs a lil info before they pay the claim. Today some lady from the hospital left a msg on my machine. Dad doesnt understand that its up to him to see that insurance pays the claim or he is stuck with a huge bill and will have to sell the house. Add to that the two notices he got were extremely unhelpful and the person who left a msg now doesnt answer the phone. Frustrated to the point of bursting. in all of this im studying...I think lol. Mom and dad had filled the house w/ antiques and mom collected antique glassware and dishware so they are all valuable. I know that he wont get full value for them but fair price would be nice. i hate all of this so much. i know nothing about estate sales and companies yet am expected to make it work perfectly. And I get handed or stumble upon messes like the insurance, can get NO reliable info and have no idea whats going on, and it could be easily avoided. dad just seems to think nothing can happen to him. Know what I would like? To sit under a big shaded tree on the banks of a stream and watch the clouds. nice cold glass of lemonade. feel the breeze and listen to the birds chirping. When I was a kid we lived outside chicago. We rode our bikes to a field with a stream shaded by huge trees. it was always cool under those trees. cattails grew up the sides of the slopes......
  14. Thanks, have a couple books ordered. Will be sure to signup on medicare. Funny that same day as you posted this I got the social security/medicare mailer. they say signup 3 months before being eligible. Having trouble finding an estate sale company. Dad wants to sell everything we dont need to live on. They all seem to want to have a half off on the last day. I understand that when you're selling the house this is to clear it. But as we arent selling the house it isnt needed. My concern is that their clientele knows they always do this on the last day and will wait for it. They also balk when I tell them they cant start at 8 or 9 a.m. dad is still groggy from his sleeping pills as well as needing to get that extra sleep. No way he needs to be up and moving around. Still looking. I really have no way of knowing if these companies are trustworthy. Dad.....has trouble reading so he gave up. Stopped his parkinsons meds and his tremors are worse, so he gave up building models. Most days he just sits in his chair in the dark and stares at the wall. I dont know if he is scheming or if he just has trouble forming thought. he refuses to see any of his doctors. Says his new 5k hearing aids dont work well but doesnt want to go to that doctor either. I know he is in some pain and he has issues. I know that since he knows more than anyone and has convinced himself his docs cant help I guess he is stuck. In a way i get it but this is not my father. I dont know how long its been this way and his health and mom passing accellerated it. But this is not my father. Or maybe I just never saw it before. Honestly, I dont know how people deal with this. he does not listen and he gets insulted if he thinks im telling him what to do. last night I showed him how to find movies on hulu and Youtube app. Only because he would just go movie by movie and complain they dont have anything. So he just kinda laughs at me. Im just kinda mystified lol. Oh well...started studying Networking and this is going to be tougher but am going to change the way i study it. It's understandable so far but its deep and so much info. I hope you're avoiding the heat. We are getting heat warnings in Texas.
  15. Happy 4th of July, fireworks and hot dogs and such. I think you have so much strength to do what you did. You came out the other side of it. No clue if there is a purpose in these things or if it's just what Life has thrown at us, just the way it's worked out. At least i finally see something of the truth. What i'm trying to do is isolate my heart from him and not let his words or deeds affect me, they are often false. Humans desire stability and security and he is like a shadow or quicksand. he thinks its real and hes right when often its just make believe and distortion. My fear is that he needlessly bankrupt himself or cause himself harm. I would have to step in, but barring that I leave him alone other than advice. i just hope thats enough to dissuade the worst. Going thru the courts would be a last resort, as I live here i would probably be thrown out or at least this would be a very bad place to be. My concern is that since he thinks he is perfect and knows all he has convinced himself of certain things and he will fulfill them. or else he is just trying to play me. It gets very tiring to never know stability or peace. I need to stick with it til my next certification, a year. For him, he cant survive without me. theres no way. I just wish he wouldnt give up. Medicare for me will be 3 years and 3 months. I'm hoping to have a job by then and get medical etc thru them. It is very scary and frustrating to have the future in such a precarious position but then i suppose we just have to bear our burdens and push through. What i'm trying to do...learn to be aware and detached and step back instead of reacting. No matter what happens there are still wonderful things in this Life. Trying to learn to deal with the anxiety and worry. look at it, deal with it, and drop it. Your mom sounds like she was a handful, bless you for taking care of her. Dad seems better when he gets to be with his friends a bit. like lunch today. maybe he just needs a fulltime audience. Should get him a job at the library telling the kids his stories. Thanks for the book title, will look. have a couple I need to finish, lack of discipline and all lol. take good care
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