Jasper

Sean's Mom called me tonight to tell me she had picked up Sean's hospital records. She was reading it to me over the phone and said he was found on the floor. Oh my God, I am so upset. I had it in my mind that he had died in his sleep. My God this is killing me, to know that he was probably scared and in pain. I don't know whether he had gotten up to go to the bathroom, or was trying to get help or what. The doctor said it might have been a blood clot, a heart attack or his pancreas. The nurse just found him there on the floor, dead and all alone. I hate myself.

Hi Laurie ~ I can't say I know what you are going through but the same thing happened to my brother. He had a heart attack and had been in intensive care. I had been to see him and a few days later he was out of intensive care and I expected him to be home in no time. I came back home and the next morning my sister called to say Len was dead and was found on the bathroom floor. There are so many unanswere questions. Did they take him out of ICU too soon. It has been about 7 years now and I still miss him.

He probably died instantly Laurie and I truly believe we have someone come to take us home so he wouldn't be alone. Just do the best you can and don't beat yourself up over these things. Just be good to yourself as I know our loved ones wouldn't want us to go on hurting. Take care and God Bless.

Hi kayc and Bebekat ~

Thank both of you so much for replying. You have both given me some very good ideas. All I have to do now is get the enthusiasm to do it. Maybe I will join the Senior's and take some kind of a course and I do know there is a lot of volunteer work around. I just feel like I want to do something with a challenge, you know, work for it. I don't want something that comes too easy. Bebekat, are you having a problem with Christmas coming? I got through last year without too much of a problem but this year I find harder. Can't figure that one out. Kayc, I know this one will be hard for you, do you have plans? Just know I am thinking of you both. May God Bless.

Hi Gaby

Thanks so much for your caring. It's hard to remember back when it was just four months for me. I know it was very hard. I do find the more you can talk about the person it helps as we seem to be afraid people are going to forget them. We want to make them real for us. A good cry also helps. I will pray that God will show himself in your life. He is there but sometimes we get caught up in ourselves and don't give Him a chance to Help us. Thanks again. Jasper is actually my cat but is so much company for me. Something to meet me at the door. Take care.

Hi Everyone! I really hope I can get some feedback. It has been a year and a half today actually since my husband passed on with lung cancer. He had been diagnosed just a little over a year before that so you would think I would have adjusted. I was on medication for a few months and thought I was doing really well. As soon as I went off I took Giant steps backward. I have once again settled down a bit but just don't know how to start a new life. I have always worked but haven't since my husband got sick so have a lot of spare time on my hands. I just can't seem to be able to get motivated. I am 68 years old so think I am a little too old to think about going back to work although financially it would certainly help. It doesn't matter if you know they have a short time or not it still comes as a real shock when it happens. Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.

My husband died of Cancer on October 10th. Now what do I do. I don't sleep. I miss him so much. I do have to go to work and I suppose that is good but when I come home no one is there. He was in so much pain I know that it is better he is gone but how do I go on. There is no one to talk to, no one to sit by. Sorry is I am just going on and on, but it hurts and those around me do not understand why I just can not get on with it. I am a professional and I know all about depression but it is different when it is you. There are times I just need someone to talk with to share my thoughts. Can any one give me a hint of what I am to do now.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so recent and you will continue to go through these emotions for some time. It has been a year and a half for me and I am still wondering where do I go from here. There are some good books which helped me, one being "Finding Your Way" after your Spouse dies. It is also very practical. Does there happen to be a Hospice in your area. They are very helpful and gives you a chance to talk about your loved one. Many different emotions will occur and that is okay. We can't bypass grief, we have to go through it and in time believe it or not you will enjoy life again. You didn't say what age you are! My husband also died from Cancer, lung cancer but was fortunate not to be in constant pain. He had his times. He died at home and that was hard in one way but I would do it again. Just don't be too hard on yourself as it is very early in your grieving. Be good to yourself. Take care