KristenH

KayC, really wise words. Thank you.

Thank you!

Thank you so much. It's so strange. After everything, the most painful loss is this most recent one: of Peter, who I was with for a year and who was my best friend, but is not my husband of 11 years, my father, or my sister! It seems impossible for it to hurt more than anything, yet, I have to be honest, it does. I think I'm projecting the pain from other stuff onto the loss of him. Does that make sense to you?

I'm 42 years old. In 2014, my father became officially bedridden on Christmas day due to Frontotemporal dementia and my sister was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. She went through operations, a colostomy bag, and 6 months of chemo. In 2015, my husband’s play went to Broadway, and for that play he was nominated for a Tony award, as was the play itself, the playwright, and 3 of the actors. We went to the Tony award ceremony on June 7, and the next day, out of the blue, he told me he wanted a divorce. This was totally unexpected and an enormous shock to me. In September, 3 months after my husband left, my sister’s doctor found a tumor in her ovary. It was removed, and sent to the lab. Unfortunately, her colon cancer had metastasized, and we learned that she now has stage 4 colon cancer. The good news is that she has been clear for 3 years. I have had an enormous spiritual awakening as a result of all this, but there is also incredible damage to my heart, damage that caused me to push away the man who became my best friend and love of my life after everything happened. He is gone now. He doesn’t trust me anymore. I am healing, but in a lot of pain still. I have very few people who I feel understand me, and I thought this board could help. Thank you.