I’m not sure how much help or advice this will elicit. I am struggling to say the least. I am a mother of 4. My oldest is 8 I have a 4,2, and 6 month old. My boyfriend and I have the 3 youngest together my oldest is from a former relationship. We’ve had ups and downs in our relationship. Some moments where he’s left and I thought it was the absolute end and we managed to figure it out. After having 3 kids so close I’m abt naturally more arguments and other things came up. Back in August we had our youngest son. By October we had a massive fight he left to live at his moms. During this time my mom stepped up and helped with mi kids. A few days before Christmas my boyfriend came back in the picture. A few days after Christmas my life turned upside down. My mom who I just talked to the night before had a hemorrhage a few days later she was declared brain dead and that’s how 2018 ended and 2019 started with burying my mom the day before one of sons turned 2. During this time my boyfriend chose to go through an iPad tried to draw parallels to me cheating or having interest in others he chose to bring this up the night my mom passed. At her viewing he shook hands of everyone but me. I was mortified and hurt. A week later he wanted to come back home I allowed it little things came up here and there but he had been better somewhat. A few nights ago he decided to end said hurtful things one thing sticking out was telling me he acts how he does bc I allow it so it’s really my fault. He told me hated me and how we have kids together and how he wants to give energy and time to someone else bc how rocky things had been. I’m dealing with losing my coming up on 3 months. Juggling a teaching career which is a reminder everyday of my mom who was a teacher and my children. This relationship and that seems like a perfect storm of hurt and devastation. I don’t know how to get back to me. I feel like things will always be in this rut and grieving. But more so feeling like I’ll be alone forever and without support as my mom was my constant support.
