I guess I should give a short background to help you understand my somewhat abnormal connection to my dog. I rescued him almost 9 years ago, back when I first got sick myself. I have chronic pain due to a couple autoimmune disorders and Rusty has been by my side since day 1. I have lost my job, broke my back, been in the hospital and moved across the country without friends or family and he has been the 1 steady thing that has been by my side nonstop. We are together 24/7. I have this odd connection to him, as some may call it since they just don't understand why I am so connected to him. With that being said, he was diagnosed back in November with prostate cancer. They do not do surgery in animals with prostate cancer because it is too difficult and complicated. I have surprised myself at how well I have been handling this. We have done chemo treatments to prolong his life as much as it allowed but now I just have that "feeling" that things are coming to an end. The difficult part with this type of cancer is that he acts normal and does not seem that ill but he will eventually stop being able to urinate and defecate. He has had an increase of drops of blood in his urine in the morning and can no longer hold his pee as much as he used to. These are all signs of progression. He now gets up several times a night to go outside so I have not gotten a good night sleep in several weeks. I am now feeling very depressed, tired and as of 3 days ago I cry everyday. I was holding up very good but something has changed. Just like a light switch and now I am anxious, guilty feeling and depressed. If I have a thought of feeling like will this be easier on my anxiety when it is all over I immediately feel guilty. If I leave to go somewhere and am gone for a while I feel guilty because I know he is on borrowed time. I find myself struggling really bad right now and I have no clue what I will be like when he is actually gone. Just really overwhelmed and needed to vent to someone who may know the feeling.
