STYSON

Yeah... That has been my experience. He is currently conversing with another female, who he had been semi close with, but now his family suspects that he is staying with her as they don't ever see him anymore (so much for taking care of his family). So at the end of the day, when the going got tough, he left. And it hurts because it was so pristinely perfect. Up until his brother died. His mom and dad are both very close to the end and I couldn't put myself through this again. I can't just be friends with him though. I invested everything. So at least I got a text, and then a call, and then he got his things in person. Though truly, I hope he comes through his grief to find clarity again because I know that this is what it is. It's the only explanation I can really accept. I want him to be happy again, and I thought I could help him with that, but right now he doesn't want anything to do with healing. Unfortunately he's hurting pretty much everyone close to him, except this girl and one of his other friends. I'm trying to believe that if it's meant to be he'll come back, but for now, he's not, and I have to deal with that.

Yeah. We have finally ceased contact. I'm thinking about maybe text him just to reassure him I'm still here... AFTER I can stop crying for a week or so, but I mean by that point, maybe I won't even want to. But yeah the emotional yo-yo is the worst and I know I can't do it if I still see hope. Hope feels dangerous. Because he still loves me, and I still love him, but as you said, it will probably never be. Very hard to understand. I appreciate this thread so much, if at least to know I'm not alone.

We actually wound up talking on Saturday, what was supposed to be our anniversary. We got in an argument and then finally once we calmed down he called me back to apologize. For everything. He still loves me to pieces, and says he always will, and says he misses me. I still don't understand how he could just walk away when we had no problems. But I blocked him on Facebook and we agreed that I at least needed time away to see if we could be JUST friends after spending so much time convinced he was "the one". But... I still can't let go of that tiny feeling that maybe he'll come back. That somehow this is supposed to happen for us to be stronger. But yeah. Not sure it's the pattern, and you're right... I'm still not sure that his reaction is one that I would want looming in the background. Still so hard to believe though.

I realize that this is an old thread, but it's crazy to see how similar everyone is, and that I'm not alone. My boyfriend of a year lost his brother suddenly (though not unexpectedly) a few weeks ago. My boyfriend was asleep in the same house at the time his brother died. He needed space and I tried to give it to him and not pressure him about our relationship, but when he hid our relationship status on Facebook I kinda freaked out, and he came by the next day to get his things. The whole time he was telling me how I was his happiness and how much he loved me and always would, but just couldn't drag me down into his newfound responsibilities of taking care of his family (he had been doing this before, literally nothing has changed; and currently he's not even there for them right now) because it would "ruin my life". We never got a chance to talk rationally about it. At the funeral, I told him simply "I will always love you and I will always be here for you" but that I couldn't be there physically because of what happened with us. He jumped on me for bringing up the relationship at the funeral, which was not my intention at all. Even then though, and throughout the funeral, he still held my hand and told me how much he loved me and how he always would, but that it just couldn't work. I know he feels very guilty about not being able to save his brother. There wasn't anything he could have done, but I think he believes that if he hand't been with me maybe he could have gotten his brother the help he needed, or that it's his fault for having fallen asleep and not knowing his brother was going to have a heart attack. He is also a ball of rage that lashes out at everyone and everything and he said he wants to protect me from that. But I miss like crazy. Have dreamt about him every night since his brother died, and all I want is for him to show back up at our door and tell me he's ready to come back to me. He said he will always love me, and always wants me in his life, but I don't know how when I felt I was his soulmate, and he felt the same. Literally three days prior to his brother's death he told my mom how I was the most amazing woman he ever met. Neither of us have deleted pictures or blocked each other. It's baffling. Reading that you guys have gone through this, honestly hurts because I want that hope that he'll come back, but I have loved the advice given. So thank you