Things changed for me this morning, my girlfriend of 2-3 years text me this morning asking for a chat. I knew something was coming, a punch in my stomach it felt like. She asked for a "break" (whatever that means) and didn't want to talk for at least 2 months. Telling me that right now she needs to focus on herself and get through the waves of euphoria of being in a new place and the lows of grief. She wants to just be alone and that she is seeking counselling through her new job. She also mentioned that she can't fulfil the needs and requirements to uphold her part of the relationship and doesn't want to feel any pressure. (Very similar to the other stories on here).
I can imagine that I'm also that anchor which is drawing her back into some of that grief and in some ways she associates some feelings towards me with the death of her mum. As I've been there through it all.
Now before I go any further, its probably best to give you a background of our relationship and the last six months.
We went to the same secondary school together and through university kept in contact, however with each of us travelling independently, we never got together. After university things changed and we got together, going travelling together, holidays etc. With a lot of our old school friends being the same it was easy and it has been easy ever since we got together. About six months ago, things changed in our relationship.
My girlfriends mum shortly passed away after New Year, no warning, no cancer, nothing. The results came back inconclusive, bad luck and just a random stopping of the heart. Her mum was fit and well and exercised daily.
I was the one to break the news to my girlfriend that her mum had passed, she was at work at the time and her dad had no way of reaching her, so I did my best. To make things worse I was also the one to let her brother know, who lives abroad. This was six months ago, and over the last six months, I've tried my best to do everything I can. From being there, to giving her space, to just listening. I'm no means a counsellor or have any idea of what grief does to people (other than what I read in books), but I tried my best. It's been a struggle for my girlfriend, she was very close to her mum and over the last six months has clung to her large support network to get her through these tough times. By no means do I think she is over the grief and if anything I think it's only just beginning.
Now about a month ago my girlfriend moved to a different country, with a large time difference between our countries the communication has slowed down a bit (especially in the last week, as she has got settled) and I also wanted to give her space to get settled and enjoy her new surroundings/job etc. It was always our plan for me to move out there to join her after finishing some contract work up here.
Obviously things drastically changed this morning. I know space is exactly what she needs and she needs to figure these things out on her own. So I'm giving her the space and as upsetting as it maybe this could be the end of our relationship. I think being away and in a different country is almost a bit of an escapism, the closing of one chapter and the starting of a new. Maybe I'm that last line of the page.
Am I afraid that she'll find someone else? I guess so, like I said I think she associates some of me with her grief and there are no pre connotations with anyone else she meets.
I plan to work on myself for the next 2 months, start new hobbies, reach out to old friends and in two months see where we are. Whether or not I'll still move out there who knows. I can't waste the next months of my life holding out for any crumbs that come my way or live my life in limbo. I still love her dearly and probably always will.
What I'm feeling now is I'm sure only a fraction of what she's been going through for the last 6 months.
For now I'm taking things one day at a time. I'm just a 25 year old wondering through life trying to make sense of it all.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, encouragement or advice. I'm all ears.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!