He was given about 2-3 months about a month a go. i feel so selfish in all the thoughts i have, and then when it comes time to want to talk about it, I feel I'm suppose to be strong.
I heard it at a time when i just started back in school in fast track program, which was in itself so intense. I also had my dad go into the hospital the first week I went in. It must have been the hardest time of my life. He went into repository failure, and before that heart failure. my little sister is going into her final year of high school, I just told her yesterday.
My dad made me power of attorney and told me when he found out how long he had, but asked me not to tell my sister. I did. just yesterday. I coulndt not tell her. I didnt want to, but i had to. I feel like it may just be only me that knows, and i just had no one to really talk to.
My dad would tell me, there is no way, he was gonna fight and make sure he lived longer. I ended up stop seeing him for a bit, my health just from stress got so bad. my stomach was constantly in knots and i formed this strange rash on my face.
I went to see him a few days a go and he is just so out of it. he was told not to drink, but he has been, and he is on pain medication.
I love him so much and its so hard to see him that way. but i know if i dont, if im not there ... i'm going to regret it. I'm just sitting here crying, Ive been looking up how to cope with knowing your parent is going to die.
I told my sister.... i just blurted it out yesterday, and didnt go about it the right way, consoling her, she didnt even react, i get it though.... its just proecessing it. but i have no phone and there is no way of her contacting me... i just spilled it and then ...well i didnt leave... she did... but I'm hoping when i go back I can talk with her more.
I just i need to process all this myself.
I want to be strong for her, for my dad.
I'm not perfect, the past few years for me havent been easy at all, and I've just been trying to keep myself stable and just okay.... i suffer from addiction, mental health... and and i slip sometimes, but i try so hard to just be okay. I was raped, and came out of an abusive realtionship so am dealing with my own struggles around ptsd.....and i dont mean to turn this to me... i just i want to be strong... as much as i can... and its been so hard.