Violetsparrowfall

Since my dad died 2 months ago I am completely off the rails. I'm so reckless and destroying my life. I've started drinking and using marijuana. I'm self harming alot more and I get an urge to crash the car when I'm driving alone. I'm just starting to wonder whether this is grief related. Dad's death was traumatic but I'm numb to it all. No flashbacks, no uncontrollable crying ect.... Thoughts? X