Katie1

I want John back.

I don't want to hear I will see him again...he lives in my heart....he is in the wind...every time you see a butterfly...a feather...................

I'm broken. His presence....his laughter....his hand in mine....our deep conversations....our future...................

Gone....we will never marry......never find our apartment..... never celebrate our first Thanksgiving...Christmas......

Part of my very being has died.....and I have to go on and live.......how?

My fiance died suddenly. I am broken without John. The pain is unbearable at times...the tears just flow....Wednesday will be two months. I don't want to hear about seeing each other again someday. I don't want to hear he is in my heart...by  my side...in the wind....sending me signs...........

I want him back. Physically in my arms...hand in hand....laughing...deep in conversation....lovingly gazing at each other.

I feel I am dying.

I have to push the pain deep down inside of me because I have a daughter who is in the hospital three weeks now for depression. I must be there for her....

Meanwhile....I'm dying......